Page 11 of Not Just for Christmas

He thought about telling her how he felt, that he’d envisioned settling down, raising a bunch of kids. But what was the point? She’d made herself clear. Looks like he got her all wrong. And not liking kids was one thing, but insulting Lola like that? There was no coming back from that. This was going to be tough, but he knew what he had to do. And it couldn’t wait.

He took hold of Amelia’s hand. ‘Hey, listen, babe, we need to talk …’

Chapter 5

‘Sorry about that.’ Caroline pocketed her phone and helped herself to a Lebkuchen from the bag I’d bought for us to share. ‘Had to take a call from the brewery about a delivery for New Year’s Eve. They’re querying our prosecco order.’

We were in the playground on a bench with a flask of lemon and ginger tea and the Lebkuchen, waiting for the bell to go at the end of the school day. Our children attended the little village primary school in Craggy Bay, a sturdy Victorian building only a mile from the farm. Everyone knew everyone, which had once been a good thing, but now I had the label of Jack’s widow, I wasn’t so keen. Two years on and people still addressed me with sad smiles and pointed ‘How are you?’s. Hence, it had become habit for my best friend and I to wait as far away from the rest of the crowd as we could. Today we’d arrived early, because we hadn’t had a proper catch-up for ages.

‘Problem?’ I said, pouring us each some tea. Being a farmer was busy enough, but, running a pub at Christmas took busy to a whole other level of crazy. Caroline and I were on the same hotel management course at college. She and her husband Ed had been regular visitors to the farm, and when our local pub, The Otter, had come up for sale, they had taken it on and given it a total revamp. From now until the first of January, she and Ed would be flat out, catering to the Christmassy needs of our community.

‘I had to explain that I hadn’t over-ordered, and that Devonians believe in seeing in the New Year properly.’ She grinned. ‘And that also, my best friend would be coming to the party this year, which means I’ll be cracking open a bottle of the real stuff.’

Caroline’s campaign to get me ‘back out there’ was relentless. Which was in equal parts annoying and gratifying. Because one day I’d be ready.

‘I don’t know,’ I said, wrapping my hands around my hot drink. ‘There’s Sam to consider.’

Also to consider was the idea of yelling ‘Happy New Year’ at the top of my voice as the clock struck midnight and then looking away when all the couples shared a romantic kiss as one year slipped into the next. I wasn’t ready yet.

‘Let him stay up till midnight,’ Caroline argued. ‘Tilly will be. If they get tired, we can always pop them into bed upstairs.’

‘I’ll think about it,’ I said. ‘Thank you.’

Caroline sighed, knowing that I wouldn’t think about it at all.

‘The rest of the Wild Swim Girls say hi,’ she ploughed on, as she did every week after meeting up at the beach for the year-round dip in the ocean.

‘I say hi back,’ I said breezily. This was another of her campaigns.

‘They miss you, Lucy,’ she said.

‘And I miss them.’ I had been one of those crazy people who swam all year round in freezing cold water. I missed the laughter, and the shared feeling of euphoria when we emerged on a high, running back up the beach for our dry robes and flasks of coffee.

‘So come back,’ she pleaded.

I shook my head. ‘Not happening.’

It was too risky, the water at Craggy Bay too dangerous, the riptides too … I shuddered. Sam only had one parent left. When I found the time for hobbies again, it would be something non-life threatening.

‘You have to join us for the Christmas Day dip,’ she protested. ‘It’s tradition, you can’t miss it.’

‘I missed it last year,’ I reminded her.

The last time I’d joined in, Jack and I had left Sam with Heather and done it together, dressing up as Christmas turkeys, racing into the sea hand in hand and straight back out again, exhilarated and gasping for breath. I couldn’t imagine feeling like that about the sea again.

‘I let you off last year,’ she said, catching my eye. ‘You live at the coast; you can’t avoid the sea forever.’

I begged to differ.

‘Hmm. Oh, I didn’t tell you my bad news about my parents,’ I said, changing the subject and bringing her up to speed on Dad’s surgery and my parents’ cancelled travel plans.

‘Oh Lucy …’ Caroline’s kind face drooped. ‘I’m gutted for you. For all of you. And I know how much you love hosting. Those amazing tablescapes you used to do at Christmas. Preparing the guest rooms as beautifully as a boutique hotel. Just like we did at college.’

I gave an awkward laugh. My hosting days were long gone. Nowadays Sam was lucky if he had matching cutlery and an unchipped plate. All my good stuff was packed away in the spare room. I didn’t have the time or the interest to make things look nice anymore. What was the point?

‘It’s Sam I feel sorry for.’ I thought of his sad face when I told him the news. ‘I was so determined to give him a really happy Christmas. I’m not sure how I’m going to pull it off with just Heather and me to entertain him.’

‘Join us at the pub?’ she suggested. ‘Lunch won’t be until four once the pub is closed. Plenty of time to milk the cows and do your farm stuff.’ She paused and added slyly, ‘And the Christmas Dip, of course.’