Page 84 of A Merry Little Christmas

‘True.’ Nell cast her mind back to the first Christmas she’d spent with Olek and his family. So different to her own family’s Christmas, which generally arrived in a hamper from Fortnum & Mason and was designed to have maximum wow factor and minimum effort. She’d been bewildered but beguiled by the Dowmunts and had escaped to the bathroom to message Merry about how much she loved it as soon as the chance had arisen. ‘I’m looking forward to your pierogi, kochanie.’

She’d learned a few words of Polish but was usually too nervous to use them. Kochanie was a term of endearment which could mean anything from sweetie to darling, and Irena loved it when she used it.

‘Ahh, córunia. I’m glad.’ The older woman cupped a hand around Nell’s face and studied her. ‘The smile has gone from your eyes. I am worried about you.’

Córunia meant daughter. Nell swallowed hard. She couldn’t bear to lose these people from her life. She just couldn’t. She’d already lost Merry, who’d listened to the voicemail she’d left on the day of Ray’s funeral but not acknowledged it.

‘You know what my mum is like,’ she joked, ‘I love her, but I always come home exhausted from …’ The excuse was so weak that she couldn’t even conjure up the end of the sentence and Irena saw straight through her.

‘Nell, where is Olek?’ her mother-in-law asked.

Nell willed her cheeks not to flush. ‘He’s taken a few days off. He needed a break.’

Irena narrowed her eyes. ‘Without you?’

‘Hard to believe, I know,’ she replied, attempting a smile.

‘What is hard to believe is that you were not at the funeral for Merry’s father. Astrid told me.’

‘It’s complicated.’ Nell buried her head in her hands, willing her phone to ring, or carol singers to come to the door, anything to get her out of this conversation.

‘Okey-dokey.’ Irena’s tone changed; she was clearly about to get tough. She folded her arms. ‘Enough of the fairy tales. You at your parents, Olek away by himself. Neither of you going to the funeral. What has happened?’

‘Nothing much,’ Nell protested weakly.

‘You are like a daughter to me. I care about you as much as Olek.’ Irena patted her arm, then paused. ‘Well, almost as much. If you were to split up, I would have to be on his side. I hope you understand, but family is family. He will always be my son.’

‘I understand.’ On any other occasion, Nell would be struggling to hold back a snigger at that point. But now, with the very real possibility that Olek had left her for good, her words felt too prophetic to hold any humour.

‘Is this … Could this be about …’ Irena faltered and rubbed her neck awkwardly.

In all the years Nell had known her, she’d never seen her mother-in-law stuck for words. ‘What?’ she prompted.

‘Mumps?’ Irena looked at her from under her lashes. ‘Is this something to do with Olek having mumps when he was a boy? And babies?’

There was a pounding in Nell’s chest. Now what was she going to do? She couldn’t betray Olek’s confidence; she’d already let him down in so many ways. ‘You’ve lost me,’ she said, attempting a laugh.

Irena gave her a stern look and Nell felt her face heat up. She wasn’t going to get away with bluffing, she could tell.

‘Olek is a proud man, but with his mama, he is sometimes still the little boy who sat on my knee for a cuddle when his English friends laughed at his accent, and who cried in my arms when he found out Yvonna had cheated on him. And …’ Irena stared into her mug. ‘And who confided in me that you and he wanted to have a baby, but that it wasn’t working, so you needed to see a doctor.’

‘He told you?’ Nell stared at her, processing this, not knowing how to respond, or how much to say. He hadn’t told her that, but it made her love him more, knowing that it was important enough to him to want to share with his mother.

Irena gently reached for Nell’s hand. ‘He did. I’d hoped that you’d be able to tell me too, but I respect that we are all different. And I’m sorry you are going through this, I really am.’

Nell swallowed a lump in her throat. ‘Me too. It has been very difficult to stay positive, especially when Merry got pregnant.’

‘In your shop that night, when someone said that mumps could lead to infertility, I was watching you,’ said Irena softly. ‘You looked as if someone had knocked the wind from your lungs. When I asked Olek about your results, he wouldn’t tell me. But that evening, it all fitted together.’

‘That was the night I fell out with Merry too. I was so angry with her for not keeping her baby safe. Climbing up that stupid ladder when she was supposed to be taking it easy.’

Nell’s arms slid forward onto the kitchen island, and she let her head drop again. She was so weary, so heavy with emotion.

‘Merry does not have a mother to talk to about having a baby.’ Irena began to stroke Nell’s hair. It was very comforting and soon Nell felt the tension melt from her shoulders. ‘That, I think, is at the root of her fears. You have a mother and a mother-in-law who love you. And I am here if you want to talk.’

Nell lifted her head. Irena’s gaze was soft, her eyes misty with unshed tears. She was lucky to have this woman in her life. Perhaps if she told Olek’s mother the truth, between them they’d be able to get Olek to come home?

‘I always thought that I would be the one to have fertility issues,’ she began, ‘especially as Olek already had Max …’