Page 70 of A Merry Little Christmas

‘For Nell, and for me, the only thing we can focus on is wanting a family. It’s a need so all-consuming that it feels like a physical pain. When I see a baby, I’m drawn to it, I want to ask the parent how the baby is doing, are they sleeping at night, have they smiled yet. And while I’m asking these questions, and observing the love on the parent’s face for their child, it’s like a series of stabs to my heart. It hurts, but it’s a hurt I can’t resist exposing myself to.’

Merry’s mind went back to the first time she met Woody and how strong his reaction had been to her baby bump. He was such a bright and effervescent character, she could never have foreseen the emotions bubbling away inside him.

‘I’m so sorry you’re going through this.’ She reached for his hand and squeezed it.

‘Me too.’ He smiled grimly. ‘Especially as it’s caused a rift between myself and my husband. Hence me booking this place last minute to give myself some headspace. Although …’ He let out a soft laugh. ‘I’ve inadvertently landed waist deep in a quagmire of other people’s baby woes.’

‘Oh dear,’ Merry winced. ‘And you’ve ended up being our only member of staff. I feel as if you’re due a refund.’

‘The distraction has been good for me; it’s struck me that everyone has something going on in their lives; Spencer and I don’t have the monopoly on problems.’

‘Do you want to talk?’ she offered. ‘A problem shared is a problem halved.’

He chuckled. ‘That’s how Nell and I got so drunk last night, by telling each other what was going on. So I’ll save it for now, but thank you.’

‘Of course, the person we should really talk to is the person most affected by the same problem. Spencer in your case, Olek in Nell’s.’ And Cole in her own. She wished she was brave enough to explain to him that motherhood terrified her and that she’d convinced herself she was going to fail at it. ‘Why is that always the most difficult conversation?’

‘Because of love.’ Woody gazed into his coffee cup. ‘The one we love is also the one we have the most power to hurt.’

‘That’s true.’ She’d already hurt Nell and she’d hurt Cole if she told him the truth. He was already on edge about her physically since her waters had broken, if he knew how fragile she was mentally, he’d be worried to death. ‘And now you’ve had some time away from him, are you ready to have the difficult conversation?’

He exhaled. ‘Spencer finishes for the holidays next week. He’d booked some time off so we could enjoy a long Christmas break together. Instead we’re apart and each locked in our own bubble of sadness.’

‘Ring him,’ Merry suggested. ‘Invite him over for dinner, get the log fire roaring, dim the lights, have something delicious to drink. Perhaps the neutral territory will encourage both of you to talk.’

He eyed her thoughtfully. ‘I just might do that. And you should do the same.’

‘Cole and I never seem to have the time at the moment, and now that my dad—’ She stopped mid-sentence, the lump in her throat proving too much of an obstacle.

‘I meant you and Nell,’ said Woody. ‘Her pain is more acute than mine because … well.’ He paused and gave her a sideways glance. ‘You’re pregnant and there’s no getting away from that.’

Merry’s eyes felt hot with the effort of not giving in to tears. Poor Nell. Not only were she and Olek having problems, but her best friend was only days from giving birth and behaving like a spoiled brat. And, to top it all, Merry had revealed to Olek about Nell’s previous pregnancy. No wonder Nell had no wish to be around her anymore, it must seem to her that Merry had the perfect life, with everything Nell couldn’t have, and yet still Merry was moaning about it. If only Merry had been honest and expressed how scared she was about bringing a child into the world, this rift between them might have been avoided. And Nell might have been able to confide in Merry.

The baby, her dad’s funeral, the new house, her best friend, the business … everything swirled around in her head like a cyclone, and she couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even deal with one of those issues while the others all demanded attention.

‘I don’t know where to start.’ She sipped her lemon and ginger tea and Woody patted her arm. For a moment, neither of them spoke until the silence was interrupted by a loud banging on the front door; they both gasped with shock.

‘See what I mean?’ Woody clutched his chest. ‘That’s what I’ve had to put up with all day.’

‘I should open up,’ she whispered, as if anyone outside had a chance of hearing them through the thick walls of the old Tudor building. ‘But I’m not sure if I’m up to it today.’

‘Then don’t,’ he said, ‘you’re the boss.’

Merry and Woody sat as still as statues sniggering to each other and barely breathing until whoever it was had gone.

‘I can make a sign if you like, saying closed due to personal reasons.’

‘That would be sensible, thank you.’

It only took him a few seconds to draw up a makeshift sign, which he embellished with illustrations of holly leaves and candles and pinned to the door. ‘Sorted. Next problem?’

‘Good question. I don’t know which fire to put out first,’ she said shakily. ‘I need to make it up to Nell, and I need to sort out some staff to run the shop. I should get over to Dad’s care home at some point and then there’s baby stuff still to organise. I’m going to have to come in to work tomorrow, although I’m not even supposed to be working at all.’

Woody pulled a face. ‘I’m exhausted just listening to that lot. Listen, my maths is terrible, I’ve had more than a few clumsy moments so far and I absolutely can’t start work before 10 a.m., but give me a key to the front door and I’ll work in the shop for a few days. It’ll buy you some time to make a more permanent plan.’

Merry could have kissed him. ‘By yourself? You wouldn’t mind?’

He lifted a casual shoulder. ‘I’m a social animal, I’d rather be in a shop chatting to people than upstairs on my own. And think of all the Christmas sales you’re losing while the doors are shut.’