Page 8 of My Kind of Happy

I could, but I’ve been thinking. Gary wants more responsibility and he knows this project inside out. Why don’t we give him a chance to shine? This presentation is standard stuff; I don’t think there’ll be any surprises for the client. Perfect opportunity for Gary to cut his teeth in the boardroom.

I bit my lip, waiting for his return message, but instead my mobile flashed up silently with Bernie’s number.

Damn it.There was no way I could avoid answering his call.

‘Hi, Bernie,’ I said wearily.

‘We need you there, Fearne.’ Bernie cut straight to the chase. ‘You can’t cherry-pick the parts of the job you like the most forever. I can’t keep making allowances for you.’

This sounded like a reprimand. An official one. The subtext here was: OK, your brother died, it was awful and you were grieving, we cut you some slack, but enough is enough.

‘Of course you can’t, not forever,’ I said forcing a smile into my voice. ‘But just this once?’

Bernie sighed down the phone.

‘The clients are expecting you. You’re the senior analyst.’

‘I can’t, I just … can’t.’

There was silence down the line and I held my breath, hoping he’d take pity on me.

‘Maybe if getting back in this saddle is beyond you just now, then maybe you need …’ He paused and gulped so loudly I could almost see his Adam’s apple bobbing. ‘To look for another saddle.’

‘You mean another job? Are you sacking me?’ I was stunned; I hadn’t seen that coming.

‘No. And I don’t want you to leave. You’re a brilliant analyst. In ten years’ time you could be eyeing up my job. Imagine that!’ Bernie enthused.

‘Yes, imagine,’ I said faintly.

The prospect horrified me. I’d worked at Zed Market Trends for a decade since leaving university; I liked routine and I felt comfortable there, but the thought of another decade and then another: suddenly it felt like a life sentence.

‘Exactly. But at the moment …’ He hesitated again and when he spoke, his tone was more gentle, ‘Let’s just say, your current behaviour hasn’t gone unnoticed by the directors. Your unwillingness to give client presentations, I mean. Yours is a client-facing role and when you abstain from delivering the end result of the project, well, you’re not fulfilling the terms of your contract. The rest of the team can’t carry you indefinitely. You’re either on board. Or you’re not.’

‘I understand.’ I felt the blood drain from my face. So much for Saturday working giving me extra Brownie points; instead I felt like I’d been given an ultimatum.

We ended the call shortly after that with him telling me to think about it carefully and me promising I would. I powered down my laptop and sat for a moment in shock.

This was dreadful; I wasn’t up to thinking about a new career at the moment, I was just about coping with the one I’d got. Or maybe I wasn’t even doing that.

Your current behaviour hasn’t gone unnoticed …

I reached automatically for my phone to call Laura and tell her what had happened before remembering. Not only had I alienated two of my closest friends today, on top of that it seemed I was in danger of losing my job.

‘What a mess, Scamp,’ I groaned, smoothing the fur back from his face.

His anxious expression reminded me of the look Laura had given me just before I’d turned my back on her and stormed off.

Poor Laura, I’d treated her terribly; I was consumed with shame. I was envious, plain and simple. Her life was sailing full steam ahead on a sea of love while mine was marooned on misery island and rather than be pleased for her like a true friend would have been, I’d shouted and stomped off in a huff.

‘Right,’ I said, purposefully, picking up the phone yet again. ‘I’m ringing her. This situation has gone on long enough.’

Before I’d even had a chance to scroll to her number, Scamp began to bark. He leapt up from the sofa and onto his look-out chair. The curtains were drawn against the dark evening, so he couldn’t see out and he did an impatient dance until I opened them for him. But other than the headlights of a passing car, I couldn’t see anything.

‘Who’s there, Scamp? What did you hear?’

The dog jumped down and went to the door, his tail circling enthusiastically just as the doorbell rang.

I went out into the hall and grabbed hold of Scamp’s collar before opening the door. A sharp gust of cold air greeted me, as did one of my favourite people in the world: Hamish.