Page 6 of My Kind of Happy

‘What happened then?’ I said stonily.

‘Hamish found tickets to some Christmas party he’d been supposed to go to with Freddie and he got really down. He rang me to tell me how much he missed his best friend and I suggested we met up.’

I folded my arms. ‘He could have rung me.’

‘How could he?’ Laura sighed. ‘You were suffering yourself, he didn’t want to burden you with his grief.’

My heartbeat was thumping so loud that I could hear it whooshing in my ears. ‘And all that time you never thought to tell me?’

‘A million times,’ she groaned. ‘But we wanted to be sure that it was serious before we told you. It hasn’t been easy to find the right moment.’

We, we …already they were a couple. A pair. And three was a crowd, everyone knew that.

I should have been happy for her, for them both. But all I could feel was betrayed. The two people who’d been my closest allies, by my side, helping me through the last few months, had secretly been dating, laughing behind my back, having fun, having sex even … Bile rose in my throat. I’d never felt so alone in my life.

I glanced around the spa pointedly.

‘And you think this was the right moment?’ I tried to keep the emotion from my voice, which resulted in an icy staccato tone that sounded nothing like me at all. ‘When we’re supposed to be having a nice day together.’

She reached towards my arm. ‘Maureen gave me the courage …’

‘Stop.’ I shrugged her off me and jumped up. ‘I can’t listen to this. I’m going to be sick.’

I stormed off along the corridor and Laura ran to catch me up.

‘Fearne, wait! Please be happy for me. Remember what Maureen said, that I deserve happiness.’

It was true. Even through the mist of my anger I knew it was true. Laura did deserve to be happy. I hated that I was behaving like this: angry and selfish. But right now it felt like another loss. Only this time I was losing both Hamish and Laura, to each other.

‘Please leave me alone,’ I said in a shaky voice, reaching the door of the changing rooms. ‘I’m going home.’

‘Maureen was right,’ Laura said sadly. ‘You have forgotten what makes you happy. And until you find it you’ll never be able to move on with your life.’

I whirled round to face her.

‘Why are you so obsessed with me moving on?’ I drew air apostrophes over the words. ‘And what exactly am I supposed to be moving on to, anyway?’

‘Oh, Fearne.’ Laura’s shoulders slumped.

I pushed the door open and went inside; the wounded look on her face nearly undid me. If she spoke, I didn’t hear her, which was just as well. Because I simply wasn’t ready to hear it.