Page 64 of Brandon’s Mate

“I guess that should make me feel different,” he said. “But it doesn’t. Those panthers pledged to me. They were my crew—and I still feel that broken bond. I still feel like I owe them. When Nick called me, I thought, ‘Well fuck, at least I can help one.’ But in the end, I lost him too. So don’t worry, I’m not trying to out-alpha Flynn. I’m not trying to be an alpha at all.”

Colt reached out the window and head-slapped him, making Brandon spill part of his beer.

“Hey!” he snapped, growling.

Colt ignored him. “Would you please at least try not to be a stupid fuck?” he said. “You don’t get a fucking choice. Hell, you’re so alpha Flynn couldn’t even keep you in the crew. You were trying to challenge him, weren’t you? Before you left?”

What did that have to do with anything?

“My idiot panther was,” Brandon admitted. “Kind of. But it wasn’t like I wanted to take over the Bad Bloods. It was just my cat couldn’t be in the same place with him without wanting to fucking kill him.”

“Duh,” Remy said. “Doesn’t get much more alpha than that. And you seriously wondered why he made you leave? What choice did he have? He’d either have had to kill you, or you’d kill him. Whoever won that fight, the rest of the crew would never get over it.”

Brandon had never really thought about it that way. “I thought he just—”

“What, wanted you gone? Then you are a stupid fuck.” Colt tried to head-slap him again, but Brandon knocked his hand away. Colt went on, “You were always his favorite. He was impossible to live with for months after you left. So was your dad.”

And so were the twins, probably, Brandon realized. Fuck. He’d made so many mistakes, hurt so many people. Not just Kitty.

“I never meant to hurt anybody,” he said in a low voice. “After Flynn kicked me out, I just didn’t know what to do.”

He’d never admitted that to anyone. Never wanted to even admit it to himself, how much that hurt.

“You and everyone else.” Colt swung his legs out the window and jumped down onto the porch. He threw his beer out into the yard, the bottle bouncing off the scraggly lawn and sending drops of beer sparkling in the porch light. He shucked off his clothes and turned leopard, bounding off into the darkness.

“Oh, fuck,” Remy muttered. He put down his beer, dropped his sweatpants and jumped off the porch, Changing to owl and flying off in the same direction Colt had gone.

“Dammit,” Brandon said. “Do you think I should go after them?”

Kitty bit her lip. “Probably not,” she said. “Colt’s been having a rough time lately, and Remy’s the only one who can really do anything with him. He’ll be all right once he cools down.”

Colt was having a rough time. And Brandon had been so focused on himself he hadn’t realized it.

Kitty got to her feet. “Come on. You need some sleep.”

Reluctantly, he let her draw him to his feet. “You really think they’ll be okay?”

She stood on tiptoe and pulled his lips down to hers. “I think you need to give yourself a break.”

Brandon gave in. He crumbled, because right now he needed to wrap himself in her warmth and let her give him strength.

They went into the bedroom and he made love to her, drawing it out, not wanting it to end. Afterwards, Brandon kissed her for a long time, slower and slower until he finally rested his forehead on hers.

He didn’t want to look away from her. He didn’t want to see ghosts in the room with them; he wanted to believe that her presence had chased the ghosts away.

That she really was ruined for every other guy, and she’d never leave him.

She was tracing the muscles of his back with her fingertips, running them down over his ass and back up again.

“Can I ask you something?” she said.

The last thing he wanted was more emotional questions, but it was time he started stepping up. He’d left the people he loved alone with their hurt for too long. “Sure,” he said, focusing his attention on her. “What?”

“I guess the same thing that Colt and Remy were trying not to ask you. If you really wanted a crew, why didn’t you come back for us?” Her voice got smaller. “For me?”

He ran his hand up the side of her breast, and bent his head to kiss it. “I did come back for you, once.”

She looked shocked. “When?”