Page 43 of Brandon’s Mate

“I knew.” Her voice was suddenly deadly quiet.

He laughed bitterly. “Right.”

She looked straight in his eyes. “October 25, three years ago. It was the worst thing that ever happened to you—the worst pain you were ever in. It went on for days. You thought you were going to die.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “You wanted to die.”

Brandon felt like he was frozen inside. October 25, the day everything went to hell. The day his crew shattered. Neither he or his panther had been right since.

And Kitty had felt the whole thing.

The anger drained out of him. “Ah, hell. I—” He stopped. What could he say? He’d hurt her so many times, in so many ways.

She went on, “I tried to find you, but I couldn’t. And then I thought you’d call me—you had to call me. But you still didn’t. Not even a text.”

The pain in her voice ripped holes in his heart. “You were in college,” he said. “You had a life, and I was so wrecked…” He shook his head. “I thought I was doing a good thing, not involving you in my fucked-up mess.”

“You might as well have,” she said. “I failed my midterm exams anyway. All I could think of—all I could feel was… that.”

He just stared at her, stunned. From across the country, Kitty had been by his side. Her heart had been with him, and he’d never known it.

“I’m sorry. If I’d known—if there was any way to make you not feel it—I would have done it. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

It was her turn to snap. “Why does everyone treat me like I’m some fragile little flower? You, my dad… everyone thinks I’m not tough enough to handle the crap life hands out.” She huffed. “It can’t be because I’m a girl. Nobody worries about my mom like that. Nobody thinks she’s not tough enough.”

Brandon’s heart lurched. He’d always felt like it was his job to protect her. Now even that was hurting her.

He said softly, “You know why? Because you fucking shine. It’s like there’s this light inside you, and everything’s brighter when you’re around. If something ever happened that snuffed that out…” He shook his head.

She was looking at him, a puzzled frown on her face. “That’s really how you see me?”

“That’s how I always imagined you.” A half-smile came to his face at the memory. “Out there somewhere, shining. Happy. Even if I couldn’t have you.”

She turned away. “You didn’t want me.”

He couldn’t take it anymore. He could feel her pain, her doubt in herself because he’d left her. He’d taken away a piece of that shine and never even realized it.

“I always wanted you,” he said softly. “It was wanting you that made me leave.”

Her back stiffened. “What are you talking about?”

He walked up behind her and put his hands gently on her shoulders, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. “That day I pulled you out of the clubhouse, when you said you wanted me to see you as ‘a real girl.’ Damn, I did. But you were only fifteen, and I was too old for you. It wasn’t right, no matter how gorgeous and sexy you were.”

She turned around slowly. “You thought I was gorgeous?”

He moved a step closer, looking down into those amazing blue-green eyes. He had to erase some of the hurt she’d been carrying all this time.

“I thought you were beautiful as hell and hot as fuck. I guess I did a better job than I thought hiding my boner.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Wait, you got all boner-y over me?”

He laughed. “Hell, Kitkat, I was as bad as Rocko—I wanted to pull your sweet curvy ass into bed and make you scream my name. No, I was worse than him, because I was supposed to be your best friend. I was supposed to protect you, not ravish you.”

She was still staring at him incredulously. “You wanted to ravish me.”

He bent his head to hers. “Still do. Still shouldn’t.”

But he couldn’t stop himself. He bent his head slowly and captured her lips with his.

Chapter 16