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The darkness I carry didn't begin when I became Pakhan. It began when I was a little boy.

The former Pakhan of the Bratva murdered my parents. Then he kidnapped Maxim and me. For months, he kept us imprisoned and tortured us in ways no child should ever endure. Every day was a fight to survive. Every day, I wondered if it would be my last.

I escaped that place years ago, but a part of me never truly left it.

The memories followed me into adulthood, clinging to me like shadows. They became a constant state of vigilance that never seemed to fade.

The doctors call it post-traumatic stress disorder. I call it hell.

Sleep has become something I no longer trust. Most nights, I don't sleep at all. I work until my vision blurs, hoping exhaustion will eventually force my body to shut down. On the rare nights when I do fall asleep, the nightmares find me.

Sometimes I wake drenched in sweat, my heart pounding so hard it feels like it will burst through my chest. Other times, I wake fighting ghosts that only I can see. More than once, I've shattered furniture or punched through walls before I even realized where I was.

Years ago, one of my guards made the mistake of trying to wake me during one of those episodes. I nearly strangled him before I came back to my senses.

Since then, everyone knows to leave me alone when I sleep. No one comes near me.

When my marriage had been arranged with Audrey, none of this concerned me. I didn't care enough about her for it to matter. Ours would have been a marriage of convenience, nothing more.

She would have lived in her own wing of the house while I occupied mine. We would have appeared together when necessary, fulfilled our obligations, produced heirs, and otherwise stayed out of each other's lives.

She never would have been close enough to see this side of me. Everything changed the moment I asked Lorenzo to switch the engagement. I didn't think this through. Didn't think about how the darkness I carry inside could destroy her.

The night we married, something shifted inside me. On the flight back to Chicago, when we had sex, some invisible bridge formed between us, binding us together in a way I never expected. That realization terrifies me.

And that's the reason I haven't slept on the same bed as her. If one of my nightmares comes while she's sleeping beside me... if I mistake her for one of the men who tortured me, if I lash out before I wake, I couldn't live with myself.

That is why I've buried myself in work for the past two days and stayed away from the house until late into the night.

It's better that she thinks I'm neglecting her than for her to wake up beside the monster I've spent my entire life trying to keep locked away.

But staying away from her isn't easy because every minute, I want to go over to her and pull her into my arms. Spend time with her. Aurora has consumed every quiet corner of my mind. Every time I force distance between us, the craving only grows stronger.

All I want is to go back to her, to spend these early days of our marriage the way a husband should, learning her, touching her, being inside her.

I’ve been checking on her through Sofía , the housekeeper. I know she's doing okay.

Giving up on work, I decide to retreat to my private quarters. The space is completely self-contained, sealed off from the rest of the estate. A full gym with heavy bags, free weights, and a professional-grade boxing ring. A sauna. And in the far corner, a large, reinforced ice bath built into the floor. This place was designed for one purpose: to keep the darkness contained.

Tonight is no different. I push myself until my muscles burn and my lungs scream. When I’m finally exhausted, I still can’t stop thinking about her. So I fill the ice bath to the brim and sink into it.

The cold hits like a blade. It steals the breath from my lungs and slowly freezes every thought of Aurora until nothing remains but numbness. For a few precious minutes, the craving dulls.

I know I can’t keep doing this forever. I need a solution. But there isn’t one yet. Staying away is the only way I know how to protect her from my nightmares.

Because, what if she sees this side of me and looks at me differently? What if the darkness finally frightens her the way it frightens everyone else?

I don’t care what the rest of the world sees when they look at me. Let them call me a monster. Let them fear me.

But not her.

And until I’m certain I can give her that without risking her safety, I will stay away.

By the time I leave my private quarters, my muscles ache pleasantly from the workout, and the cold from the ice bath still clings to my skin. Physically, I'm exhausted. Mentally, I'm no better.

As I round the corner, I nearly run into Sofía.

She stops immediately and inclines her head. "Good evening, sir."