Page 70 of Her Last Breath

She lay in his arms for what seemed like hours after that, her head whirring.

‘Really sorry you’re going through this,’ he said quietly. ‘You should have told me.’

‘I did text last night.’

‘Sorry. If I had known, I would have come straight over.’

‘You mean you weren’t prepared to drop everything for a booty call with me?’

She smiled weakly, sitting up and reaching for the vodka bottle.

‘Is that a good idea?’ he chided.

‘Yes,’ she said, deadpan.

‘Anyway, for starters you have no booty, and secondly, you were very clear you didn’t want to send mixed messages or blur the boundaries of our professional …’ He started to mock snore, so she lightly slapped his thigh.

‘I have no idea what to do with the situation with my mother, my heart breaks every time I think of Ed and what he went through,’ Jane continued, ignoring his attempt at humour. ‘Plus, I feel as though the case is stalling. How long will the team continue to trust my instincts if I don’t get a result? How can I function in any capacity with all this going on?’

‘Listen, Jane, the case is not done with. It’s because of you, your tenacity, your conviction, that we properly investigated Alice Rogers’ drowning. And because of that we found the links to Burrows and Hargreaves. The case is very much alive and it needs you.’

Moving away from him so he didn’t see the emotion on her face, Jane took a sizeable gulp of vodka.

‘Don’t bite my head off now, or my dick when you get to it later, but I think you need to step back a bit and just see things from your mother’s perspective.’

‘Are you fucking kidding me, Sameer?’

In one swift movement, Jane threw back the bedsheet, wrapping herself in a towel, her eyes boring into him. How could he even begin to take her mother’s side after everything he knew and everything she had done to Jane for so long? He seemed hesitant when speaking to her, but it didn’t stop him.

‘I know she was a nightmare and whatever you’ve been through was not right. I’m not taking that away from you, OK? It’s just that you’ve got to remember that your mother was a victim as well.’

Jane’s mouth dropped open, but she didn’t trust herself to speak.

‘She lost her child in a horrible, unexpected way, probably blamed herself and yes, she misplaced how she felt on you. All that confusion and guilt, she used that to mess with you. I’m not defending that.’

‘Then what are you saying? Because you’re about two seconds away from me kicking you out. And FYI, if she had bothered to do something about those sick, paedo bastards, maybe her son would still be alive.’

Breathing hard, Jane took another swig from her glass. Barely a mouthful was left, so she grabbed the bottle and took a bigger slug, wiping the excess as it dribbled down her chin.

‘I’ve seen what suicide does when it happens in my community,’ Sameer explained. ‘The family get labelled for life, shunned by the community even. People ask if they should go to the funeral because the person is forever damned to hell. Imagine what that does to you. And from what I’ve seen, your lot aren’t too far removed from the whole guilt and eternal damnation doctrine either.’

‘I think you should go home to your wife now,’ she said churlishly. He sighed heavily then started to pick his clothes up from the floor and dressed slowly. When he was done, Jane didn’t even look at him, as he spoke up again:

‘What your mother did, it wasn’t right or fair. But you have a choice now. How will you feel if she dies alone, or you never forgive her or say goodbye? What if you don’t get that chance to hear her side, to talk through what happened between you both? Because – newsflash – nobody else on earth will be able to have that conversation with you.’

At the door he said over his shoulder: ‘Think of yourself now, Jane. Be selfish about this. You owe it to that six-year-old girl who watched her brother die and didn’t understand why he did it. And you owe it to the eighteen-year-old who felt she had no choice in life except to leave everything she knew behind. You spend your life getting justice for other people, it’s time you got some for Jane Hacker now.’

Jane didn’t reply, her throat constricted by burning emotion, as Sameer left her room. Deciding more vodka wasn’t going to help, she instead succumbed to the ravages of insomnia again. Sameer had a point. Jane was torn though between the terrible injustices she had faced and the regret she might have to carry forever. She couldn’t think straight, unsure of what she was going to do next. Knowing that whatever it was, she would have to live with the consequences.

Day Five

Chapter 46

Jane dreamt her apartment building back in London was on fire. That she had left her air fryer on, jammed full of samosas, and when she got back home, the flats were being evacuated. All the while she was praying that it wasn’t her flat that had started the fire in the first place.

She woke up feeling something was wrong. Searching for her phone, Jane bolted upright when she saw it was already 7.30. Having forgotten to set her alarm, she would now have to rush to get ready. Spotting four missed calls from a number she didn’t recognise, her phone suddenly buzzed in her hand, making her jump. The same unknown number.

‘Ah, Jane? I mean, Detective. It’s Madhu.’