Page 47 of Her Last Breath

Jane sat quietly for a few moments, aware that time was passing and she needed to get to work. Also aware that unless she spoke to her mum about this, it would consume her thoughts the entire day.

‘Mum, what was Ed like at school?’ she asked. ‘I was thinking about him yesterday. I made a start on the attic, found some of his old school reports there.’

‘He was so good. The teachers always told me that when I went to parents’ evening. Unlike yours, the amount of complaints I used to get. They said you were so cheeky.’

‘I can’t remember that.’

‘Oh yes, every single teacher said the same. She could make something of herself, if she just learnt to shut up.’

‘I did OK.’

‘Yes, I suppose.’

Jane trod carefully when she next spoke.

‘There was a letter from the school in one of Ed’s last reports.’

Maeve didn’t reply. Jane knew she understood which letter.

‘I never knew the real reason he got suspended. The letter said he hit a boy? Unprovoked? It seems so unlike him. Did he ever tell you why he did it, Mum?’

‘It was a long time ago. It’s not important.’

‘I just think the timing of it, so close to when he …’

She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

‘Just stuff and nonsense, teachers and schools being oversensitive. Ed was a good boy, that other child must have provoked him. It was probably just a scuffle that got out of hand. You know how boys are.’

‘Yes. I know how Ed was. It seems odd for him to do that to someone. He never said why?’

‘I told you, no,’ Maeve said, this time with steel in her voice.

‘I was shocked when I read the reports. I really want to understand what …’

‘Jane, will you not let me have any peace while I die? Go to work!’

Every instinct told Jane to back off, but she couldn’t help it. She had to know and time was something neither of them could take for granted anymore.

‘I just wanted to know. Who can I ask once you’re not here?’

‘There’s nothing to say. It was a fight between two boys having a bad day.’

Maeve didn’t bother looking at her daughter, instead staring intently at the TV. Jane turned to leave, but Maeve called out to her. Hoping for a conversation about what her brother had been going through, instead she was faced with the plea of an old woman.

‘I need you to do something for me. Whatever else you do, can you make this happen? I want to see his grave. One last time. Please.’

Jane bit back her disappointment at the walls her mother put up over Ed’s suspension and calmly replied.

‘I’ll ask Lorraine and Madhu to take you. They can hire one of those special taxis.’

‘If I wanted to go with them, I would have asked them.’

‘I don’t have the time, Mum. Work is busy.’

‘Please, Jane. Why did you come back here if you’re going to just palm me off onto the carers at all hours?’

‘I’m doing my best,’ Jane said.