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“I have walls of my own. Walls I built as a child, some to protect myself.” His gaze hardened. “Some my mother forced me to build. They limit me, restrict me. They stop me from being the male I was born to be, from finding the happiness I find I now crave. Whether that’s a female of my own, or something else entirely, I’ll never know if I stay as I am. I want the walls gone, but to break them would be dangerous, without help.” He stared me down. “Which is where you come in. I need you to use your healing abilities on me to repair the damage done by…” His jaw pulsed. “By my mother, and the wounds breaking the walls down would leave, and in return, I’ll remove the walls I built for you.”

There was no need to think about it. I wanted that part of me back. I wanted my love for Ren back. “I’ll do it. I’ll help you.”

“How long will it take? To get me through the worst of it?” he asked.

“I won’t know until I see the damage,” I said, not willing to give him any time frames. Depending on what he had locked away, it could take months of coming here to work with him. “It could take some time.”

He took several steps closer. “Can we speed up the process with more intensive, more frequent sessions.”

“It’s possible, but I wouldn’t advise it. That kind of healing shouldn’t be rushed—”

“But it can be done?”

“Well…yes. I suppose.”

He cupped the side of my face, and when I tried to jerk back, his other hand shot up and grabbed the other side of my head, holding it firmly between his hands.

I tried to pull away again. “What are you doing?”

“Ensuring you don’t renege on our deal. You will stay here until it’s done.”

“No…I can’t do that.” I tried to pull away again, to fight him off, but he wouldn’t let me go. Pain burst through my head, and it felt as if my entire body was thrust to the side.

“Yes, you will.”

Everything went dark.

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Chapter 30

Ren

* * *

I dragged the old mattress from my bedroom and carried it outside, then hitched the new one up from the back of the hearse and carried it inside and to my room.

The paint was dry. I’d had a fan heater blowing in here all night. The blue walls had been replaced with a deep sage-green color, the closest I could find to Jasmine’s eyes. I loved it. Tearing off the plastic, I tossed the mattress on the bed frame I’d pushed to the opposite wall, and the two new dressers I’d ordered had arrived earlier. I’d put one where the bed used to be and the other by the door. I’d also grabbed some new curtains from the store. I didn’t know about that kind of shit, but the gray ones the shop assistant told me to get looked pretty good.

The dryer beeped; the new sheets and duvet cover were dry. They’d smelled too chemically straight out of the bag, and my fox hadn’t liked it. I didn’t know what time Jaz was coming over, but I wanted everything perfect when she did. I wanted her to walk in here and feel like she’d stepped into a brand-new room. Ours. No trace of anyone else. Honestly, I couldn’t even remember anyone else. Those drunk nights, burying my pain in whoever wanted me, had dissolved into nothing, into a bad dream long forgotten, replaced by Jasmine.

I grabbed all the trash from the new bedding and scooped up the mattress plastic from the hall, then carried them out to the dumpster. After one final look around the room to make sure everything was perfect, I got started on dinner. I’d been without her an entire night and never wanted to spend another one away from her again. Jaz never said she’d be here in time to eat, but I liked feeding her. She always seemed to get hungry around midnight as well, usually after I’d made her come and she’d napped for a little while. She’d get up and stand in front of the fridge in one of my shirts and pick at whatever she could find. I fucking loved watching her eat before she came back to bed, then fell asleep, sated and full. It eased my fox and me both.

I had a chicken in the oven and was chopping tomatoes for the salad when my phone beeped. Wiping my hands, I grabbed it from my pocket.

Jaz. My stomach instantly tightened, my heart fucking swelling in my chest. How the fuck had I not seen exactly who she was the minute I laid eyes on her? It felt impossible that I hadn’t known.

I quickly tapped the message open.

Butterfly: I’m sorry, Ren, but this thing between us just isn’t working out. I’m leaving. It’s the best for both of us. You’ll see. Please don’t come looking for me.

I blinked down at those words, scanning them over and over again, as if they’d reshape and reform into something else. But they didn’t. This thing between us just isn’t working out. I read it again, and again, trying to get it to make sense, because everything inside me said it didn’t.

But it was right there. She’d typed out the words, her nails tapping against the screen like they did when she sent a text. Nails that had scored my skin, fingers that had glided over my body, thrust into my hair and held me to her as if she were afraid I’d pull away.

I thought about yesterday morning, the way she’d looked up at me in the shower. The look in her eyes that had been a blade in the chest, that distance, that look of pity. Affection, not love.

I grabbed the edge of the counter when my legs fucking buckled beneath me.