Page 34 of A Trial By Blood

“Ronan, please let me see you,” she said outside the bathroom door.

I shook my head, but the words wouldn’t come out. The door handle turned, and I groaned, lifting my block, hiding from her when she pushed the door open and walked in. “Please, Ronan,” she said again.

Pain wasn’t only in her lavender eyes, it was etched on her face.

She was worried, afraid for me. I couldn’t let her suffer like that, not for another moment.

So I did the only thing I could do, I let my block drop. And as soon as I did, her gaze fell to me. She cried out and dropped to her knees beside me. “Ronan, please, talk to me.”

Humiliation burned through me, an emotion I had quickly become reacquainted with. I was still in the trousers I’d worn the day they’d carried me from Rose’s bedroom. I’d lost my shirt, and I stunk of vomit and sweat. I hadn’t even managed a shower in the last nine days.

Luna wrapped her arms around me, and I lay there frozen, like a fucking lump of ice, not sure what to do, how to react, how to respond.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise you, it’ll get better,” she whispered.

I unclenched my jaw. “I’m being torn apart.”

She rubbed my back. “You’ll get through this; you have to, for Rose’s sake. She needs you.”

I shook my head. “I’m the last person she needs.” The way I felt about her, the drive to be close to her was confusing, terrifying. The way I wanted her scared me so much I was paralyzed by it. Because I didn’t just want to be near her—I wanted to touch her, hold her. I wanted to feed her from my vein again, not from a thermos. I wanted to feel her tiny fangs deep in my skin.

But what scared me most of all was how badly I wanted to drink from her.

“You’re wrong. She wants to see you. It hurts her being away from you, just like you’re hurting being separated from her.”

I shook my head, my teeth chattering in my head. “I want to…to feed from her, Luna,” I said, and shame filled me. Yes, it was another I’d recognized quickly. It was one of the first I’d worked out while I’d vomited into the toilet the first time. “I would never taint her that way.”

“Taint her? I know you don’t understand this, but Rose would give you anything, anything you wanted. She wants you to be happy, she wants to be with you and take care of you, like I know you want to care and protect her.”

“How do you know that?” I gritted out.

Luna brushed my hair back from my forehead. “You haven’t worked it out yet?”

I didn’t know what she was talking about. Gritting my teeth, I shook my head.

“These feelings you’re having for Rose, the reason you couldn’t stay away from her even before you regained your emotions…” She took my hand. “The reason you regained them when she drank from you.”

“Why?”

Luna smiled gently. “Because Rose is your mate, Ronan. Rose is made for you and you for her.”

I shook my head harder. “No,” I said, even when the realization filled me. Could it really be true? Something deep down inside roared, shaking me to the foundation. Yes. Of course, it was true. And on some level, I’d known, hadn’t I? But I’d never allowed myself to even consider it a possibility.

“Yes, and she needs you to get better. She needs her mate by her side, and you need her just as much.”

My eyes drifted closed, because I couldn’t look Luna in the eyes when I said this. “I’ll hurt her. I want…I want to feed from her, so badly. I want to bite her and touch her…and…”

“She’s your mate, that’s only natural. Feeling that way is how you’re supposed to feel, Ronan.”

My eyes snapped open. “She’s too fragile, too delicate. The way I feel, so out of control…I wouldn’t be able to stop. I’d…I’d hurt her.”

“No, you won’t. I know what you’re feeling, and I know how strong your hunger for her is, but believe me, your need to protect and care for her is so much stronger. Because of that, you would never, couldn’t ever, hurt her.” She squeezed my fingers. “I promise.”

“But these fangs, they’ve…they’ve been in Azel’s vein.” I shuddered. “I could never sully her that way, I could never—”

Luna gripped my chin, stopping me. “No. He doesn’t get that, Ronan. Don’t you dare let him take this from you. Don’t you dare give him that. You are not tainted, or marked, or dirty. He is the monster, not you. We did nothing to deserve his abuse. Not one fucking thing, do you hear me? He’s rotting in Hell for what he did. He’s not here, don’t you be the one to bring him back by giving him that kind of power.”

The emotions grew so big I felt as if I was tearing down the middle. It was more than I could cope with, and I felt myself shutting down. I froze in my sister’s arms.