Page 69 of With You

“I can’t make you forgive him, or dance with him, or whatever. And maybe this ruins our group, and it’s awkward and none of us hang out with each other anymore. Regardless of all of that, I will not stand for you thinking River is the worst person in the world, when he’s given his all to you.”

I let Damien’s words sink in as I try to think of a response, but nothing feels right. I don’t think that of River, never have. And although deep down I believe his story is real, it still doesn’t make up for the humiliation and embarrassment I felt about not being able to perform in the last dress rehearsal. The anger at seeing Charlotte on stage when she’s so undeserving of that place. The pain I felt at finally considering saying three words to him, just for him not to show up when I needed him the most.

But I can’t deny the wave of relief that washed over me when he came into the studio last night. Knowing that he was fine, and nothing bad had happened to him, was a tiny moment of comfort before all my other emotions overtook me. I wanted to go to him and find out what had happened in Spain with his father, but all I could think about was the way everyone looked at me while I waited alone at the side of the stage.

“I don’t…” The words struggle to come out.

“You don’t need to say anything to me,” Damien states. “I just needed to get that out. I’ll go now.”

He leaves my room without another word, and I drop to the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest as I bury my head in my hands. Everything Damien said was the truth, he has no reason to lie to me. Logically, I know I should go to River and hear him out so we can move past this and perform as normal in the showcase tonight. But my heart won’t let me.

I gave River parts of myself no one else has ever had, and I trusted him in a way I’ve never trusted anyone before. Even though we never put a name to our relationship, that’s exactly what it was. I was just too scared to admit it in case something like this happened, and it did.

My phone pings and it’s as if he can hear the million thoughts running through my mind.

River

I spoke to Madame, she says we can have the stage this morning for a final rehearsal

We can still do this

I stare at the screen, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. Can we still do this? Can I still dance with him, kiss him on stage in front of an audience, and pretend as if my heart hasn’t been broken by him?

I think back to the reason I wanted to perform in the first place. The scouts that will be sat in that audience, deciding who will get a spot at the summer intensive. I have one chance to show them I have what it takes. If that means pulling myself together for a five-minute performance with the boy who broke my heart, I have no choice but to do it.

Amelie

What time?

His reply comes instantly.

River

It’s ours at nine

I lock my phone as I stand. In one hour, I’ll have to face him and decide whether I forgive him or we forget any of this ever happened.

Chapter 28

River

As the clock ticks closer to nine, I start to worry Amelie might not show up. I don’t know how I can make her forgive me, but if she walks on to this stage, then there’s a chance she will.

After checking in with the lighting coordinator to make sure everything’s set up correctly, I pace around the stage waiting for Amelie. Being up here is a lot different than the studio. Hundreds of people will be watching us tonight, but the most important ones will be sat dead centre in the front row, right next to Madame and the General Director. Amelie has the best chance out of everyone performing, I just have to make sure she doesn’t hate me before we do it.

I check the time again, the minutes creeping past nine with no sign of Amelie. Worry pulses beneath my skin, my heart feeling like it’s about to collapse in on itself at the possibility of her not showing up. But then I hear the light tap of footsteps, slow and measured, and it can only be her.

Amelie doesn’t look at me as she places her things on the side of the stage, shedding her outer layers so she can change into her dress. It fits beautifully on her, the fabric swaying around her as she walks toward me on the stage.

Instinct tells me to reach out to her, to let my hand brush against hers before I pull her close, but I stop myself. I still need to earn her trust back before I can get carried away like that.

She’s silent as she moves into the starting position, and I don’t try to say anything either. I signal to the audio tech at the back of the theatre to start the music as I find my place behind her, my hands falling to her waist.

The music starts, notes I’ve heard countless times over the past few months, and my body moves of its own accord. I’ve memorised the way Amelie moves her body, too, the exact position and weight of her as she takes every step. The leaps and dips, the playful push and pull as we leave ourselves behind to completely transform into Romeo and Juliet.

Dancing with Amelie changed my life, brought back happiness to something I thought I’d lost forever. It gave me her—her trust, her mind, her body, her love. But she’s holding back from me.

There’s the slightest millimetre of space as she holds herself further from me, imperceptible to anyone who’s watching, but it feels like a chasm to me. Her eyes don’t catch mine like they used to; her gaze avoids me completely, even in moments when our faces are so close together and she’s the only thing I see. Her smiles are weak, a fake, polite one that she gives to strangers, the one reserved for me, completely devoid of her face. I can’t feel her heart beating in time with mine anymore.