Page 51 of With You

And not right now

Amelie

Not right now doesn’t mean never

Her words echo mine from after our first kiss, and I wonder if she thinks about it as much as I do. That single phrase feels like it’s defining our whole relationship, something close to feeling solid but still covered with a thin layer of uncertainty. I can only hope that layer disappears, leaving us with nothing but open possibilities.

“We’ve already set up some meetings for Q4 and Q1 next year,” my father says as soon as I answer his call. I sit up straighter at my desk and pull up my calendar on my laptop to note the dates.

He lists them off, starting with two general ones in January, a potential merger meeting in February, one fiscal reporting meeting in March, and three in April. It doesn’t even take me a second to realise that the April ones are the same week as the showcase.

“Do I need to attend all of them?” I ask.

He knows I have the showcase, and while he’s not completely opposed to me taking part, everything I do is on the condition that I work with him when he needs me to. I’m afforded the lifestyle I have by going along to meetings and events with him, playing the role of interested son who can’t wait to get involved in his father’s business, when that’s the furthest thing from reality.

“Of course,” he says, as if I’m foolish for asking.

“The ones in April, I’m not sure if I can make them. I have other commitments.”

“Well, you can reschedule them. This is more important.”

“It’s the showcase. I can’t reschedule that. They’ve got dress rehearsals planned for the week leading up to it, and I need to be at them.”

He lets out a heavy sigh that feels like it’s pressing down on me even through the phone.

“Figure out your priorities, River,” he says before hanging up without another word.

I throw my phone onto the desk before burying my head in my hands. There’s no way I can miss the dress rehearsals—they’re just as important as the performance. We won’t get our costumes until closer to the time, and dancing in them will be completely different from how we’ve been practicing.

It’s out of the question to let Amelie down like that. She’s put so much trust in me to dance with her, and I can’t take that for granted. No matter how much the pressure from my father feels like a burden, it’s nothing compared to the pressure that feels like a weight pressing down on my chest when I think of disappointing Amelie.

My phone vibrates on the desk, and when I turn it over, it’s like she’s been reading my mind.

Amelie

Ready to practice?

River

Yeah, I’ll meet you there

I stand, steadying myself as I get changed into my practice clothes before I leave my room and head for the studio. I’ll need to figure out a way to avoid those meetings once April comes around, but for now I just want to see my girl.

Chapter 20

Amelie

I’ve already been in the studio for an hour when River arrives. My last class of the day was cancelled so I came early to get a head start. The past few months have been a whirlwind of practicing and studying as winter break draws nearer. River and I are both leaving the university for break, so we won’t be able to practice, but we’re already at a comfortable spot with the routine.

We’ve rehearsed it countless times, to the point where both of us could do it with our eyes closed. Our bodies have learned how to talk to each other without any words, his hand finding my waist at all the right moments, his arms lifting me with precise timing as I leap. The others still think the hours we spend together are for practicing, but it’s really because this is the one place we know we won’t be disturbed.

Although Zena and Evie know about our relationship, the others don’t. Well, Layth does too, but he doesn’t talk to the guys enough to tell them anything so I believe our secret is safe with him from them. It still feels too new to tell everyone about, and I don’t think I’ve even properly told River how I feel.

I hope he can read my mind; into all the quiet moments we spend together lying on the floor of the studio as music plays over the speaker. When we’re with our friends, we go back to how we used to be, making comments that have the others rolling their eyes, and telling us to stop arguing. It’s a game for both of us, one we used to play against each other, but we’re now teammates.

I continue dancing as River approaches me, dropping his bag on the floor and kicking his shoes off. He strips his outer clothing off, leaving him in a tight-fitting grey T-shirt and lighter grey tights, highlighting all his muscles. He fits behind me easily, his hands landing on my waist as we let the music guide us to finish the dance together.

River doesn’t let go of me once it’s done. Instead, he folds his arms around my waist, dipping his chin so it rests on my shoulder. He places a gentle kiss on my neck as I reach up with one hand to hold his nape, while the other rests on his arms. We stay like that for a while, and I wish I could take a picture of us in this moment. I settle for looking at us in the mirror, memorising as much as I can—the weight of him against me, the warmth covering my back, the citrusy woody scent of his aftershave.