Page 119 of Unapologetic Love Story

Tom shook his head. ‘I fucked up. Massively.’

A short silence followed his words.

‘You know,’ Jem finally said, ‘I was in the garden today and I was having an absolute pain of it with my squash.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ Tom asked indulgently, knowing Jem wasn’t the best at delving into deep conversations about feelings. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Yes. That’s the thing about this garden. If they don’t come out the way you want, you just plant something new. You try a different approach. You keep tending to it. Things will always come up all right in the end.’

Tom let out his breath in a rush. ‘That so?’

‘Aye.’

There was a beat of silence before Jem asked tentatively, ‘Is this about the woman Mirren was telling me you’ve been stepping out with?’

‘Yes.’

‘She loves her. She said I’d really like her.’

‘Yeah,’ Tom said shakily. ‘You would. You really would.’

‘Son.’

‘Dad?’

‘You’ve always been good with your writing, but maybe some action would help whatever it is. That and some nice grovelling.’

Tom laughed jerkily. ‘Yeah, maybe.’

‘And then, when it’s all better, you can both come up to the house and try my tomatoes. They’re about to turn red.’

Tom wanted to say so much. He wanted to promise he would jump on a train and be home soon. He wanted to tell him all about Raina. That she was like Scotland to him. She was home. He wanted to talk about his mother. He wanted to know if his father found moments of the day unbearable, when the grief slipped in unannounced. He wanted to explain himself and say he’d been chasing the cancer that killed her in every article he wrote, only to now realize he would never catch it. No matter what he did.

‘I’ll see you soon, Dad.’

‘I’ll be waiting.’

Raina’s bed looked like a white cloud.

Solana had shoved her into a hot shower and got straight to work while Raina stood under the jet of water. The place had been swept and tidied and some candles were lit.

Raina slipped into a fluffy dressing gown and wrapped her long hair in a wrap before falling into bed. Her eyes felt heavy from crying as she watched Solana put both of their phones on charge.

The house was different without Tom. She suddenly felt a sense of mourning. She remembered them laughing on the stairs when he’d once followed her up too zealously and stubbed his toe. Raina had been on her hands and knees, crying with laughter, while he cursed in agony. The kitchen where he’d cooked her countless safe meals. The walk-in shower they’d shared. She saw a tiny splatter of nail varnish on the carpet. She’d spilled some because he’d been making her laugh. Again.

She didn’t want the sheets washed. She wanted his scent. She wanted to feel him there.

‘You don’t have to stay,’ she told Solana.

‘Yes, I do.’

‘No. I need to set a good example – I’m the eldest. But I also need to ugly cry and wallow, so you have to go.’

‘I don’t know if this opinion is allowed,’ Solana said circumspectly, as she settled into bed next to Raina, ‘but Ottie and her nasty boyfriend—’

‘Fiancé.’

‘Oof. All right. Seb and Ottie are the real monsters here. Tom was . . . wrecked. This isn’t his fault, Raina. Not really. I feel like I kind of have to say that. He looked horrified. I think he’s getting screwed here.’