Page 19 of Merciless

Mine to stalk.

Mine to take apart to learn what makes her tick.

Mine to pleasure with my tongue, fingers, and cock.

Jesus. Christ. I’ve really lost it.

Elijah’s face turns a dark shade of purple the longer I squeeze his neck. His nails dig into my wrists in his feeble attempt to stop me from killing him. And I really want to fucking kill him.

It’s like looking in the mirror as I watch the life fade from his eyes. Our eyes.

Elijah’s lips move as he mouths my name.

No, I don’t want to kill him. He’s my brother.

I don’t want to kill anyone.

My heart pounds against my chest, and adrenaline rushes through my veins until I’m trembling in fear. I blink, and I’m standing across the room in the doorway. The fuzziness fades, and the walls aren’t breathing anymore. The voices have quieted, and I’m left in silence.

Elijah stands in the kitchen, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He regards me carefully before slowly lowering the cup to the counter.

“Are you okay?” He eases around the kitchen counter and inches toward me like I’m a frightened animal about to bite.

I let out a harsh breath, nearly spitting out my sucker. Squeezing my eyes shut, I rub the heel of my palm against my eyelid. I shake my head to get rid of the awful visual hallucination.

I suck in a shaky breath and let it out.

“What did you say?” I croak.

I’m losing it. No, I’ve lost it. It’s too much.

Elijah’s footsteps fill the silence as they approach me. They stop in front of me, and I peek at him to find his hand hovering above my shoulder. I don’t like being touched when I’m like this, and he knows it.

“Just now or⁠—”

“Before,” I mumble.

He’s quiet for a moment, and the silence is almost too much.

Dropping my hand from my face, I stare at my brother and almost touch him to make sure he’s really here, that I didn’t actually kill him. Our eyes meet, and my heart bangs against my chest.

Elijah’s gaze flicks away from my face, just past my shoulder. “I said that I’m going to have Eden ride with me for a few nights.” He pauses. “Have you been taking your meds?”

Hard to do when they’re so fucking expensive and we need to save the money we have until we get our inheritance.

“Yes,” I say.

Elijah nods and lowers his hand to his side. He takes a step back to give me space to breathe. “Was it bad?”

I run my fingers through my hair before turning away from him.

It was bad. Nothing new, though, and nothing I can’t handle on my own. I know who I am. I know what I am. And I’m not a killer. I’m not the violent, mindless schizophrenic the world thinks I am.

“Later,” I mumble, and open the door.

“Don’t go,” Elijah calls. “Not when you’re like this.”

Ignoring him, I slam the door shut behind me. I’m halfway down the hall when it opens again and Elijah calls my name. I ignore him and his orders for me to come back.