Page 27 of Iron

Caleb says something to him, low, and TJ breaks eye contact first, turning to hand over his putter then head toward the clubhouse. He doesn’t look back at me on his way off the green.

I stand there another full minute, bucket of balls still hanging uselessly from my hand, feeling like I just lost some contest I didn’t know we were having. Or perhaps I won.

Four weeks and somewhere in that time, TJ Harrington stopped waiting for me to be brave.

I don’t know if that should terrify me or relieve me. Maybe both.

25

TJ

Ifind him in the locker room Thursday evening, after both our first rounds are in. The place is mostly empty except for a few stragglers and the low hum of a TV nobody’s watching.

Gavin’s at his locker, changing out of his spikes, and he looks up when I walk in, something careful crossing his face. The same practiced neutrality he’s been showing me since Illinois. Enough of that shit.

“Good round,” he says. “Four under, I heard.”

“We need to talk.”

His hands still on his laces. “TJ…”

“No.” I cross the room to stand in front of him, close enough now that there’s no pretending this is casual, no thirty yards of open ground to hide behind, no clubhouse deck crowd to interrupt us. “I’ve been patient. I’ve watched you smile at me and nod at me and even give me your own caddie and then walk away every single time like none of it means anything. I’m done doing that.”

Gavin straightens slowly, and for once, he doesn’t look away.

“I’m not doing this because I don’t care about you,” he says, low. “I’m doing this because I do.”

“That’s not an answer, that’s an excuse.” My voice shakes slightly, and I hate it, but I keep going anyway. Thank you, Caleb. “I know about Marius Webb.”

Something flinches across his face, fast, pained. “Ben told you.”

“Ben told Geoff. Geoff didn’t tell me anything specific, but I did the math myself once I had a name.” I take another step closer. I can feel his body heat now. I have to tilt my head up to keep my eyes on his. “I’m not him, Gavin. I’m not scared of being seen with you. I’ve been out since I was fifteen. I’ve had cameras in my face since college. I have never once flinched away from any of it. I won’t. I’ll stand by your side. I’ll hold your hand in public.”

“I know that.”

“Then what,” I have to bite back harsh words, “are you so afraid of?”

Gavin’s jaw works, and for a moment I think he’s going to deflect, walk away, do the same fucking thing he always does. Instead, he sets his shoe down slowly, deliberately, and meets my eyes head on. And finally answers me.

“I’m scared that I’m forty-one years old and you’re twenty-one and somewhere down the line you’re going to realize you deserve someone who isn’t twenty years further along in life than you are.” His voice cracks slightly on the last word. “I’m scared that I already know exactly how much it hurts when I care this much. I don’t know if I’d survive it a second time if it goes wrong.”

“So you’d rather it never even start.”

“Yes.” Quiet, honest, the most honest thing he’s said to me since Denver. He breathes out and runs a hand over his face. “That was the plan, anyway.”

“Well, your plan sucks.” I’m close enough now that I can see the exact moment his breath catches. “I don’t want you deciding for both of us what I can handle. I want you to actually choose to try instead of running away every single time I get close.”

Gavin doesn’t say anything for a long moment. The TV murmurs on in the background, someone’s locker slams two rows over, and neither of us moves.

“I don’t know how to do this without being terrified,” he finally admits.

“Then be terrified.” I hold his gaze, steady, the way I’ve been practicing in my head for a month. “Just don’t walk away again while you’re doing it.”

He looks at me like he’s looking for the trick, the catch, the reason this is going to blow up in his hands the way it did before. I don’t give him one. I just stand there. Waiting. Letting the silence stretch until it’s almost unbearable. Being right fucking here.

“TJ, I…”

Someone’s phone rings, loud, jarring, two lockers down, and the guy answers it with a laugh, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s just detonated the moment.