Page 79 of Knot Your Pawn

I don’t really know what else to talk about. Asking him how he’s doing isn’t going to help, that’s trite and doesn’t feel right.

Something silly comes into my head, but I know that Mathew would understand it. “We should ask the person who took the pics of us for the originals. The one at the hospital is really well shot. We can print it off and hang it in the library or the living room. Then, when our kids ask about it, we can tell them about today and laugh about it.”

“Vera!” Jorge and Riley call out at the same time, and I try not to laugh at their indignation.

Then, there’s a sound on the other side, and I hear a soft chuckle, Mathew.

“Do we really look that good?” He sounds exhausted, but he’s talking.

“The one pic I saw looked very cool. I haven’t seen the others yet, but Eli said that they also had shots from the picnic. With the weather and the setting, I’m sure those will be good too.”

“At least, we’ve got a stylish pack, so candid pics like this aren’t too much of an issue.” His voice gets stronger. “How are the others doing?”

“We’re fine. How long until you’re back?”

“Ten, maybe fifteen minutes. Shouldn’t be too long. I can’t wait to be home.”

“Me neither.” I can’t wait for Mathew and Jorge to get back, for the whole pack to be together.

That’s the only way I’ll feel safe.

I’m waiting in the doorway between the garage and the rest of the house, shifting my weight from one leg to the other, as I watch the doors of the garage open and two cars drive inside. I stay in my spot until both cars have stopped, and then dart to the one with Mathew and Jorge, opening the door on Mathew’s side.

He immediately pulls me into the car, into his lap, his nose in my neck, taking deep breaths.

The whole car reeks of distress, even Mathew’s pheromones are mixed in. He must have felt really bad, if his pheromones were strong enough to seep out this much.

I wrap my arms around his neck and look at him, trying to meet his gaze. His eyes are weary, his face pale, and he looks like he’s about to fall apart from exhaustion.

Then he pulls me closer, giving me a hard kiss, his lips demanding, desperate, before another set of arms surround us and Jorge’s cedar pheromones flow around us.

“Let’s go inside.” Jorge carefully tries to move us, and Mathew complies, carrying me, as he slides out of the car, still holding me tightly.

The moment we get out, we’re surrounded by our other three mates, everyone pushing close, everyone trying to be near each other.

Our pheromones mix, creating our woodsy-flowery-sweet pack scent, trying to soothe each other, trying to feel whole in a situation that’s out of our control.

After a couple of minutes, Mathew moves slightly and our pack becomes individual people again. “Let’s get to the office, see what’s going on and what we’ve got to do.” The others nod solemnly. He still doesn’t put me down as we all walk into the house.

Derrick and Timothy are waiting outside the office, deep in conversation with Eli, as Milo is waiting near the stairs, ready to follow any of us anywhere.

The first couple of days Caleb and I were here, we were mostly locked in Mathew’s bedroom, but even though we can go basically anywhere we want right now, just as long as the security team is with us, this feels a lot more stifling.

That’s probably got more to do with the fear of the outside world than any real restrictions of where we go.

Back then, Caleb and I had been on the run from my promised husband for years and knowing that he was finally dead, even if we were suddenly in an unfamiliar situation didn’t feel so confining.

This time, we’ve been able to go and do whatever we wanted for months, and to suddenly have to fear every person, every time someone looks in our direction, those things, it feels like a step back, not a step forward.

Mathew sits down behind his desk, keeping me in his lap, as he wakes the computer up. “Let’s see what we’re dealing with.”

He seems so focused, but I still feel his nerves and fear in the way he holds me, how he’s keeping me close, like having me with him is the only way he feels safe.

Riley pulls her laptop from under the couch —I have no idea how or why it ended up there— and lets herself fall onto the couch, immediately focused on her screen.

Jorge also grabs his laptop —from a drawer next to the couch, a much more sensible storage location— and sits down next to her, also getting to work.

Both of them used to have their own freelance jobs before joining the pack, so they’ve got their own systems of getting information, separate from Mathew’s systems.