Page 42 of Knot Your Pawn

So, why am I feeling so weak suddenly?

I hate it so much.

I burrow my nose deeper into Vera’s neck. I don’t crave her pheromones the same way as I crave them from my Alphas and Beta —theirs I need to feel whole, to feel like I belong, Vera’s I need to feel safe and secure. She makes me feel safe in ways that none of the others are able to.

She’s an Omega. She knows how to be an Omega.

I have no clue how to act or what to expect from being an Omega, but she does. Being near her is the only way I can make sense of my life since the night Vera and Caleb came here.

After my pheromone problem started, I didn’t have to deal with the usual Omega stuff like heats or strongly reacting to pheromones. I still noticed them, but I wasn’t too affected, not as much as before.

Though, my headstrong personality and my ‘fuck this world and everyone in it’ attitude probably helped with that too.

Meeting and becoming friends-with-many-benefits with Jorge wasn’t exactly comfortable, because we knew from the moment we met that we were mates and ignoring that put a strain on our bodies. But because of my issues, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. We could meet up, have sex, and then go our separate ways again.

It wasn’t pleasant, but it was doable and it was the best I could do at the time.

Having Vera around has changed that.

Having Vera around has changed a lot of things.

A lot of fun things, but also a lot of things that I now suddenly have to learn to live with, experiences I’ve not had for over a decade, and that gets scary at times.

Scary and frustrating.

I’m suddenly having to learn to see the world like an Omega again, at least in some ways. Because my body is now doing ‘normal Omega things’ like reacting to my mates’ pheromones, going into heat and, well, the whole being pregnant situation.

All things I’ve never had to think about before, not while the Hearts had me —because they made sure of that with meds— and definitely not after my pheromones stopped working properly.

But now I do have to think about them.

The only person who has made it all manageable has been Vera. When she’s around, I don’t feel as lost or as scared. I know that she’ll protect me. She’ll help me. She’ll make me feel safe.

And right now, I need that safety. I need it so much.

I need my other mates to feel grounded, to feel calm, but I need Vera to feel safe.

I wake up slightly when Vera moves, her lips brushing against my neck. I tighten my arms around her and nuzzle her hair, enjoying her sweet honey scent. It’s no longer filled with as much distress and I feel my own —barely there— pheromones have calmed down too.

My head is clearer, though a tension remains, a tension that makes me feel like whatever happened last night isn’t far away, it’s just not quite here right now.

“How are you feeling?” Caleb’s voice is quiet against my back.

“Rough.” I chuckle softly as Vera now starts to kiss my neck in earnest. I run my fingers over her back and she lets out a sweet, happy sound.

It’s much too warm under the blankets and very stuffy, but the thought of getting out is doing bad things to my brain, so I stay right where I am.

When I try to turn onto my back, I notice that Luca has moved while I was asleep. He’s no longer sitting but instead he’s on his back, sideways from us, so Vera and I can still use his legs as a pillow, but he’s no longer in some awkward position.

I guess it’s probably a lot more comfortable for him, especially for however long we’ve been using him as a pillow.

“How long have I slept?” I’m hungry, but that doesn’t really say that much. I’m usually either hungry or feeling nauseous lately.

“A couple of hours. It’s probably seven in the morning or something.” Caleb helps me turn so I can look at him as Vera makes herself comfortable on my chest. She’s awake, but clearly not up for doing anything right now. “I heard some of the guys get to work, but nobody bothered us. I think Derrick warned everyone not to get close to us unless we give the okay.” He laughs quietly, so at ease.

Probably. Derrick is always on top of things that way, always predicting what needs to happen and getting ahead of any problems.

But if Vera and I can’t be around anyone else right now, that’s going to complicate things, a lot.