Page 52 of A Rogue to Cherish

Chapter Nineteen

For two nights, Wren had barely slept, vacillating between feeling horrible for what she’d said to Grant and angry that she’d fallen in love with a man like him who slept with women in exchange for money, clothes, finery. How could she ever get past the pictures in her mind of him with not just Lucinda Roberts but with so many other faceless women? If they married, she would encounter the women who’d slept with her husband. It was even possible she would speak to them without knowing they’d been his lovers before she claimed him as her own.

They would have known him intimately. Just thinking about it brought angry tears. No, not just angry, but a mixture of so many other things. Outrage, hurt, jealousy, as well as a deep resentment that no one had informed her about.

“You remain cross with me?” her aunt asked when Wren walked into the kitchen.

Wren stopped, not expecting her to be home. “I did not expect you’d be home today.”

“Well, I am,” her aunt said, standing. “I couldn’t very well leave you alone in this state.”

“You knew he was Lucinda Roberts’s lover and never told me.” Wren couldn’t help the sharpness in her tone. “Why?”

Her aunt looked at her, taking her in. “You are a pure girl. I suspect never kissed before Grant.” She waited until Wren nodded. “The world is filled with so many things that you are not aware of, lass. Grant Murray, like his friends, is a rogue. The thing is that high society plays by a different set of rules. If I am to be honest, they live a life that is much less inhibited than ours.”

“Do you not find it shocking?”

“Of course I do.” Her Aunt Mairid motioned to a chair and Wren sat. She continued explaining, “I know that Grant visited on occasion, mostly during Lady Roberts’ gatherings. We all suspected that all manner of activity took place. It was odd, especially because most of the servants were sent away during her parties. Only a few remained and they were sworn to secrecy. Which in itself made people question what occurred—what was so bad that secrets needed to be kept?”

“That is why he was naked that day.” Wren covered her face. “How could I be so stupid?”

Her aunt made a sympathetic sound. “You should give Grant a chance. He has promised to be only yours.”

“What of all the others, Aunt? Do I ignore that he’s been intimate with women in exchange for—”

Her aunt interrupted. “Yes. You ignore it. Men are held to different standards than women. Especially in the higher levels of society.”

“How is that fair?” Wren asked in a raised voice.

Her aunt shook her head. “It is not. However, men have fewer risks than women. They do not have to worry about the possibility of pregnancy. It is much more dangerous for women to be less inhibited. A child could come from it. Disgrace comes from that, and a loss of self-respect resulting in being ashamed.”

“Ashamed?” Wren asked, truly intrigued. “Why should a woman be ashamed for what men are prideful about?”

Her aunt let out a breath. “We should not be, dear lass. However, women are made to feel that way by the rules of this world we live in.”

What her aunt said was true. Yet she was not sure how she’d feel about Grant when seeing him again. Her response as to whether she’d marry him or not would come from how she felt. The answer would only come to her upon seeing him.

In the note he’d sent, Grant had assured her there would be others there and that whoever would be present would represent his family.

“Aunt Mairid, will you come with me today?” Wren asked. “I would like you to come.”

Her aunt smiled. “Of course, I will. But I want you to know that I think you should not marry him unless you are absolutely certain. No matter what, we will be fine.”

It was left unsaid that her aunt had already given notice that she’d leave her position at Lady Roberts’. Seeming to read her mind, her aunt added, “Do not worry. Lars has been after me to quit for months. He will ensure we have a roof over our heads and food on the table.”

Well, that was one thing she no longer had to worry about. No matter what, her aunt would be fine, and better, she wouldn’t have to work anymore. “Very well. I will do my best to maintain an open mind and hear what Grant has to say. I love him dearly, but I am not sure I can move forward.”

Her aunt squeezed her hand. “Follow your heart, dearest.”

*

Grant sent hiscarriage to fetch her, and upon arriving at the estate where he lived with his sister and her husband, Wren was sure her heart was beating so hard it was audible. It took a few breaths before she could alight. Waiting for her to help her down was Grant.

The sun on his brown hair showed off the lighter highlights that she’d not noticed before. The already fast beating of her heart seemed to skip several at his hand taking hers. The entire time, he looked into her eyes as if trying to find the answer to what would happen from that day forward.

Wren wondered if he saw uncertainty because up to that point, she’d yet to make up her mind about anything. She’d be hard-pressed to give more than yes or no answers to any question.

“You are beautiful today,” he said as he took in her pale blue gown, another of his sister’s loans, and her hair. Although distressed, she’d taken extra time with her coif and fixed it in the simple swept-up style that she’d seen other women wear.