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Chapter Eighteen
The look on Wren’s face, part shock and part disgust, was exactly why he’d dreaded having to tell her the truth about himself. He should have informed her fully before proposing. Instead, he’d allowed himself the hope of never having to reveal who he was and what he did.
It was her right to know, and yet Grant had hoped he didn’t have to tell her the truth until after they were married. Yes, it would have been unfair to her, and yet he was being selfish. His fear of losing her was overwhelming. He couldn’t think to withstand it.
“Yes. The women are aware I am not interested in a relationship other than what I could bring to their beds. That included Lucinda.”
She tugged her hand from his grasp, and while he wanted to hang on to it, he let her go. “Understand, Wren. I never took advantage of them. And sometimes their only need was for an escort to social events.”
“But you did have more intimate relationships with most of them. Did you not?”
Grant nodded. “Yes. I did. I am not proud of it. I realized a long time ago that one day I would regret my lifestyle and I feared when it would happen. But then I met you and I knew it was time to start anew. Twice recently I have had the difficult conversations I feared. With my father, and now… with you.”
Wren looked away. He was certain she did not see the passing scenery, nor did she notice the warm breeze that only happened in Scotland on rare occasions. The sky was a bright blue, however, in that moment, he almost wished for a gray one with heavy, dark clouds that threatened to rain and matched his mood. And hers.
“Will you forgive me?” he finally asked. “Please do not leave me.” His throat constricted. “I promise you, I have not seen any woman but you since the day when you went to work for my mother.”
It seemed like forever, but finally Wren turned to him. Unshed tears filled her eyes, and she studied his face. An angry expression crossed her features. “For all your money and social standing, it seems you are of a much lower station than I am.”
He was a whore. She didn’t have to say it out loud for him to know what she thought.
“So, you will not marry me then?”
Wren stared straight ahead without replying.
“I will take you home,” Grant said. His heart was broken and filled with disgust, but even to his own ears his voice was without emotion. “You can decide when we will make the announcement that everyone that we have decided not to marry.”
Wren was quiet. She sat rigid next to him making it hard to decipher what she thought. But maybe he didn’t have to—she was filled with disgust, as he would be. As anyone would be.
Upon reaching her house, the carriage came to a stop, and he climbed down to help her drowsy aunt down.
When he lowered Wren to the ground, he held her in place. “Mrs. Owen, can I speak to Wren in private for a moment?” he asked her aunt.
The woman gave him a warm smile. “Do not linger.” She walked around to the side where the door was.
Wren had yet to look at him. He lifted her face with his index finger under her chin. “Promise me to think things through. I am aware that you deserve a much better man. Wren, I promise to be that man. To become a better person, to earn your trust and admiration once again. If only you will have me.”
He swallowed and fought not to beg more. It would kill him if she walked away without giving him hope.
“I cannot give you a reply right now.” She searched his face as if looking for the man who asked her to marry him and not finding him. “I apologize for my outburst earlier. I have no right to judge.”
Grant nodded. “Can I call on you tomorrow?”
“No. I will come to you. I need time.” Wren walked around him and went inside.
He stood next to the carriage debating whether or not to go to the door and explain more. Or try to explain again. Except, what could he say? That he was worthy of her. Except what she’d said had cut him to the core. It was true. He was lower in status than she when one considered that he indeed sold his body in exchange for a life of luxury.
Grant had never been proud of it, but neither had it bothered him as it did now. Of course, people in his circles suspected, but he came from a wealthy family, so it was not obvious that he had no money of his own. Then again, he had amassed a good amount of money that he’d saved, not enough for sponsorship of the ship, but enough that he could provide for Wren until the ship returned.
“Sir?” The driver peered down at him. “Permission to speak freely?”
He nodded and looked up to the older man. “Of course.”
“Allow her time to consider things. If you demand to speak to her right now, she will rebuff you.”
Without a word, he climbed back onto the carriage not seeing anything other than the expression on Wren’s face when he’d disclosed the sins of his past. For the first time in his life, Grant wished that he could turn time backward, change so many things.
However, if not for being Lucinda’s lover, he would have never met Wren.
