Page 73

He’d been embarrassed? Lizzie clutched the blankets and gazed at him in bewilderment. “I don’t think I quite follow you,” she admitted. Benedict was practically grinding his teeth by now, she noticed with misgiving.

“I was embarrassed,” he repeated doggedly. “Because I’d said, nay, I’d asked some things of you that I ought not have.” His gaze swerved away from hers, and Lizzie realized he was still abashed by the memory. She cast her mind back to the previous night. Tell me that you wanted me all along. That was what he’d said. Her frown cleared. That was what he was so ashamed of?

“Oh,” she said. “Well, we need never mention it again if you feel so badly about it.”

He looked conflicted to say the least. “Tell me what you were going to say this morning,” he said, folding his arms and bracing himself as though for the worst.

She was quiet a moment, bringing the speech she would have made to mind. “I – well, I was going to explain that it never even occurred to me in those days. To view you as a man, I mean.” She shook her head, dissatisfied with her choice of words. “What I mean is,” she tried again, “I did not consider men as anything to do with me. I was twenty-five years old and devoted to a life of charity and good works at my aunt’s side. I thought that Reverend Milson –”

“Lizzie,” he interrupted in a warning voice. “Watch your step.” Lizzie gazed at him in confusion. What had she said? “Never mind. Continue,” he said through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t know, I just didn’t know how things could be between a man and a woman,” she admitted. “But if I had known – ” She bit her lip and hesitated.

“Go on,” he said gruffly.

The tips of Lizzie’s ears burned at the confession she was about to make. “Then I would have wanted what I knew I couldn’t have.” She paused. “I would have wanted you.”

“Lizzie,” he groaned and covered his eyes with his hand. Lizzie gazed at him with misgiving. Had her words not pleased him, then? “Do you mean to say, I could have had those words this morning? If I had not – ” he broke off. “If I had not been such a damned coward.”

Lizzie continued bemused. “How were you cowardly?” she wondered aloud.

“Say it again,” he demanded, reaching for her and dragging her against him, his hands roaming up and down her back and sides. “You’re covered in gooseflesh,” he murmured distractedly. “I need to get you warm.”

“I would have wanted you,” she mumbled against his shoulder. “If I had known who you truly were. If I had known you were like this.”

He shivered, seemingly more from her words than the decided nip in the air. “Let me take care of you,” he said wrapping his arms around her. “God,” he groaned. ”My day would have been so very different if I had only let you speak this morning.”

Lizzie blinked against his neck. “How would it?” she asked.

“Well, for one thing, I would not have snapped and snarled like a cur at everyone who crossed my path.” She still didn’t quite understand but looped her arms about his waist in any case. “And I probably wouldn’t have dragged Jack in the ring for another.”

“But it sounds as though that turned out to be a good thing,” she reminded him. “For you realized your brother’s improvement, did you not?”

He brushed this off with a rumbling sound. “Let’s not have any more misunderstandings of that sort between us again,” he said firmly. “We’ll make sure we clear the air at the outset in future.” Lizzie nodded and he tipped her face up, looking down at her intently a moment. “Tell me truly,” he said gruffly. “Are you upset that your aunt will discover we’re married.”

Lizzie blinked. “You mean from Annie?” Seeing his expression, she realized it must have been preying on his mind a good deal more than it had her own. “I own that I was a little discomforted at first,” she admitted slowly. “But in truth, I thought you would be more upset by it than I.”

“Me?” he sounded stunned at the very idea. “Why should I?”

“Betsy,” she pointed out quietly, attempting to disentangle herself. He would have none of it, however, and clasped her all the tighter to him.

“Maybe we should talk about Betsy,” he suggested in a low voice.

Now it was Lizzie who felt a momentary panic, but it would be pointless to try and stop her ears. Instead, she swallowed and renewed the pressure of her hands against his chest. With some reluctance, he released her, and she shuffled back on the mattress, putting some distance between them.

He watched her retreat without comment. “What do you want to know?” he asked. His expression was open and unguarded, and Lizzie felt suddenly emboldened.

Still, the words that tumbled out of her mouth astonished even her. “Did you kiss Betsy as you kiss me?” Her face immediately grew hot as she waited for his reply.

“Never,” he replied. “I treated her with the utmost respect at all times.”

“What does that mean?”

“I never stuck my tongue in her mouth.”

Lizzie’s face was bright red now. “Oh,” she said. “I see.” Was the way he kissed her not respectable, then? Partly to cover her confusion, and partly out of genuine curiosity, she blurted. “Why did you tell me to watch my step earlier?” she asked. “When I mentioned Reverend Milson.”

“Because I’m jealous,” he ground out. “I don’t like that you admired Milson, even if it was like a frustrated spinster.”