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Panicking I placed my finger deep into my mouth forcing myself to throw up. Once my bile rose and the throw up spilled from my mouth onto my carpet, I could feel myself breathing better. Jarei was a monster, and this was the furthest he ever went, I couldn’t even bring myself to stare up at him.

“I don’t know what I ever even saw in you, pathetic as fuck, keep gaining weight, miserable ass bitch. Only good thing you do is take care of my kids, so again and for the last time… let me remind you Praylah, you ain’t going nowhere. Ain’t no nigga gon’ want your unstable crazy in the head ass. Barely clean yo ass and wonder why I won’t touch you.” He chuckled and I could hear him out of breath sitting down on the bed.

“I do wash my ass.” I pitifully defended myself. I was disgusted at the sound of my voice. It sounded like I was now talking with a lisp with my swollen lips and missing teeth. At times, I would get so depressed with my bipolar disorder feeling so down in the dumps that I would miss a shower or two. I would feel so fucked up and lost that I could only gather enough strength to take care of Heaven.

“I don’t want this anymore.” I cried out hard, hiccupping and coughing roughly. I almost gagged on my own spit. “I will take care of the kids but I can’t with you anymore Jarei. Your breaking-” I looked up at his balled-up face and broke down hard. Why did I love him so much?

“You’re breaking me down Jarei, and I don’t know why when I love you. I have never done you wrong, I try my best even through suffering. I try everything and you hate me and I don’t know why. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want you, you’re going to kill me Jarei.” My eyes filled with so much liquid that I became blinded. My head hurt, my body and heart felt like it was being ripped into shreds.

“Shut the fuck up, weak ass bitch.” He stood and walked out of the room. I knew he didn’t leave the house because I heard the living room TV cut on. Jarei’s problem was he liked to take his frustrations out on me. I never got involved in his street problems, I never asked him what was going on because I didn’t care to know.

I barely took money from him or even asked him for any kind of money. Whatever money he did give to me when he was attempting to be nice, I never treated myself to something nice with it. I would just put it to the side for bills for when he came to me with excuses on why he couldn’t help with our expensive ass rent.

He flexed a lot to his friends, making his boys believe he had it like that when he really didn’t. The Benz he drove around in was glued to my name, his car note was seven hundred dollars, he made sure he paid that while I was stuck with the insurance. He picked this house for us to rent, claiming he didn’t want to be in the hood for the chances of someone trying to rob us. Whatever Jarei wanted, I went right along with it with stress in the pits of my being, knowing if things took a turn, it would be on me.

My family was the kind of family that didn’t believe in helping you out if you claimed to have a man. They felt like if you had a man then he should be providing so I never embarrassed myself and asked for a helping hand. I picked my battered ass right off the floor and dragged my feet to the bathroom scared to look at my reflection. I knew that this time, Jarei went too far and the damage was horrible.

I also knew that I had to get away from him, with my mental state and the way I was feeling right now at this very moment was dangerous. Looking up at myself in the mirror, something inside of me snapped. My left jaw was swollen, my mouth swollen, rib cage aching. I didn’t deserve this, none of this. All of this came from wanting a conversation with my man to better our relationship.

Jarei was hateful and downright evil, it could only get worse from here. I had a deep fear in the core of my soul. At night sometimes I’d dream of him killing me and leaving my daughter to fend for herself. This was a relationship beyond repair, I had to push my wants to the far end of my mind and focus on me and Heaven’s needs. Right now, I needed to get away from him and get a better grip on my life. I had to put a successful plan in place, I needed to get to Era, she would help me come up with the perfect plan to escape Jarei.

Chapter Seven

DEBO

My knuckles tighten as I twist my wrist, just as this nigga’s eyes widen in fear. I get high off the satisfaction as my fist collide right into his chin. Now kill this mutha fucca! Show that nigga standing next to you what’s to come if he does some hoe shit! I looked over at Sosa, he gave a look like he wasn’t impressed, and neither was I. We both put hard beatings on niggas, the difference was, I could kill a pussy nigga with my bare hands.

I didn’t know why that voice in my head wasn’t really fuckin’ with Sosa but the more it talked the more I fed it. Sosa was my nigga, but coming to me for a handout like I wasn’t gon’ hit him with a fee is probably what had that voice livid.

Having enough of using my fist, I pulled my blade out and that’s when all the begging erupted from this soon to be dead niggas mouth.

“Die slow, should’ve never did business with them niggas from the south behind my fuckin’ back.” Stabbing his carotid artery, I knew he would die slowly. Something I liked especially for a nigga that showed disloyalty. It gave a person time to think and see how they fucked up with me, then they’d start wishing upon a star hoping that God gave them the ability to rewind time and try again.

“We sending his momma a severance packet?” I looked over at Honor, real down ass gutta bitch. I didn’t consider many in the game to be my friend but she was somebody that I spent lots of nights with. We use to grind until the sun went down until the middle of the night. I fucked with her heavy, her loyalty was as solid as mine. Which was why she was my General. I had a lot of shit legally going on that I had to constantly tend to. Honor stepped shit up and kept her foots on niggas neck, while maintaining her ears down to the concrete. Didn’t shit get past her.

“Hell naw, tell slaughter gang to chop that nigga up in tiny pieces. His momma will have a missing person report out on him in about a week.” She nodded her head, pulling out her burner phone, typing away she looked up when Sosa stupid ass said some dumb shit.

“You too pretty to be gay as fuck. I mean, I can see yo shape with them skinny jeans practically painted on.” I shook my head hard at him. Honor looked like a straight-up nigga, as a female back when we were in high school, I saw her feminine once. She was bad as fuck. Over the years she turned into a pretty boy ass nigga. She was caramel, with high cheekbones and cat eyes. The bitches fucked with her heavily. Honor was real petite with a small bubble butt, she sagged her skinny jeans a little so you could see whatever designer briefs she rocked. I never could bring myself to look at her sexually because shit, she was a nigga in my eyes and that’s how I respected her.

Today, instead of her long curly hair being braided down in straight backs. She had her curly hair all over her head and it stopped mid-back. Sosa’s thirsty ass was trying his luck today, so if Honor decided to go nutty on this nigga, I wasn’t gone hold her down or back from doing so.

“Shit, thanks but if I turn you on then that mean you gay as fuck nigga. Means you attracted to niggas or some shit.” She took her cigarette from behind her ear and sparked it. I motioned for her to give me one and she tossed the pack my way.

“I’m attracted to pussy, and you got one. You ain’t exempt.” I chuckled and shook my head as Honor laughed a little to.

“Nigga you gay as fuck, fuck outta here. You a broke boy anyway, so even if I was into niggas, trust I’d never even look your way. That’s the only reason you standing in this warehouse now, right? Tryna get a handout from the slaughter gang.” She taunted with her hand on her hip. She wasn’t on no sassy shit; Honor was ready to pull her gun and blast this nigga. Her draw down on any nigga walking was extremely fast.

“Bitch what the fuck you say?” Sosa attempted to walk past me, and I shoved him in the chest.

“Chill the fuck out nigga.” I looked over at Honor and she already had her nine mili pointed in Sosa’s direction.

“Put that shit away. Both of y’all my niggas so be easy. If y’all niggas emotional and can’t take a fuckin’ joke, then don’t play around. I ain’t no fuckin’ babysitter so try that shit on somebody else’s time. Honor, go get this nigga his bricks so we can all be out.” I had a bad ass migraine; it probably was due to me not getting any sleep these past couple of days.

My mind was on too much, the center of my mind was mainly on Praylah. Her taste and scent, the nurturing vibe she gave off that made me feel like I could have peace with just her being near me.

When she spilled that water on me and I took her in, like really took her in, I just wanted to fuck. Getting a conversation out of her made me want more something I knew I wasn’t ready for but wanted.

“Gave that nigga two bricks to start off with. If he don’t move that in two weeks then we don’t need to do no future business with them M.G.N niggas.” I nodded my head because Honor was right. I told her shoot my boy Sosa three books but she was smart giving that nigga two. Homie or no homie, I’d kill a nigga dead over one brick. The principal was just that, so I understood why she only gave that nigga two.