Page 220 of The Ninth

“But he’s ours, you feel me? We should go see Grandmother before she passes.”

“I agree. Duke says we’ll try to reconnect with Mama and Daddy as best as we can.”

“Of course he did, because he’s a beautiful boy.”

Silence fell over us again. I burned a hole into Cassie’s face as she laid there, glistening. Eventually she shielded her eyes in order to look over at me.

“What’s wrong?”

“Uh...where’s Tati and Kenzie?”

“Kenzie went to Ethiopia but Trent came so now they’re just everywhere on the continent. Tati, TayTay, Kelisha and Doodas went to Detroit but ended up going to Canada for fun. Everyone’s safe and on vacation! Now, what did you really want?”

I laughed, “Do you know when the lease is up on the apartment?”

“Mhm. Next December.”

“That long?”

“Yup! K3 paid it up before his parole got approved. Is this about Duke?”

I looked out onto the ocean. The blue sky and its clouds painted a picture on the moving surface. To my surprise, two dragonflies zoomed around the shore, happy to keep each other company. My chest swelled with emotions.

“I’m in love with Duke, Cassie. If we break up, that’s fine. But something in me knows I will never experience a love like that for myself again. And he loves me. I don’t second guess it. I don’t doubt it. I know for a fact. But...I just want to stay at the apartment for now.”

“Then stay.”

“Just like that? You don’t think it’s weird to not move in with him?”

“Devyn, you are at a place in your life where you’re figuring out who you are as a sister, a girl friend, a daughter, a granddaughter, friend, a Black woman. I do believe it’s possible for women to go straight from high school or college into commitment. Your situation is different. You were sheltered at home. Judged. Had your every move scrutinized. You deserve the freedom to walk around naked in your own shit. To fart because there’s no nigga around! Cuss his ass the fuck out and be waiting with your ass in the air because you know he’s gonna pop up and tear you up!”

I cackled as she giggled before continuing, “You can’t love or accept love from Duke without loving yourself. Without building the confidence and independence. I’ve gotten the pleasure to watch you turn into such a more beautiful version of yourself. You should get to know her for as long as you need.”

“I owe it all to you.”

“No you don’t, baby. Because you were the one willing to learn, change, grow, explore. We’re one in the same. Kenzo just told me last night that he believes I’ve acted out how I did because I went from my parents taking care of me, to Kelisha, to him. Him going away and moving me by myself caused me to grow up. To learn about myself.”

“I always knew that’s why you loved The Ninth. Not because of the money or the men. Because it was just your own. You got to be in a fun environment with your friends. You were actually talented on the pole and looked so free. The look you used to have on your face...I crave to feel that way. Right now, I think it’s best to feel that way alone.”

“You and Duke will be better for it, I promise.”

“I hope I can truly turn into a better woman. He’ll never love me if he knew the real me.”

“Devyn, Duke sees right through all that shit. He still loves you.”

“He doesn’t know, though. About UofL.”

She sat up giddily. “Aight hoe! It’s time to spill the beans. Yo goofy ass been hinting towards this horrible break up and never told me what’s up!”

“Promise me you won’t judge me, Cassie!”

“I could never. On my soul.”

I took a deep breath. My mind immediately started thinking of ways to avoid this conversation all together. To change the subject and tell her another time. In my heart, it felt like the best moment to say something. I’ve never felt closer to Cassandra than this moment.

“As you know, I lived in Jeffersonville while my college friends and boyfriend lived in Louisville. He loved and adored me, but it didn’t make me feel special. I never swooned or watched a couples video and smiled because it reminded me of him. It’s like he did just enough, you know? I told the girls I suspected him of cheating, they called me crazy, insecure, and delusional. It was eating me up too much the winter break before our last semester. I came back early but didn’t catch him. What I did do was put my phone number in his phone to receive his texts. Turns out, he was full blown fucking and courting my best friend. All of them knew.”

“AW HELLLLLLLL NAH! ON TAMI GRAVE, WE CAN SLIDE RIGHT NOW AND JUMP THEM BITCHES! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK HOW MANY OF THEM IT IS!”