Page 56 of Brain Damage

“I’ll be better really soon though,” Jamie says to his son. “And first thing when I get out of here, we’ll go play ice hockey. I promise.”

I feel like Jamie probably shouldn’t make promises to his son that he definitely can’t keep.

Sam pouts, his adorable little mouth curling into a frown. Finally, he says, “Can Mommy take me?”

There’s an awkward silence as Jamie’s brown eyes fly open. He stares up at his parents. “He hasn’t seen Karen, has he?”

Who is Karen?

Jamie’s parents exchange looks. His father says to his mother: “Why don’t you take Sam to Jamie’s room. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

I can see Jamie’s cheeks turning red again. He looks even more upset than he did when his father told him that Sam was coming. As soon as his son is out of earshot, he hisses at his father, “He saw Karen?”

“She heard about your accident,” his father says. “She just wanted to see Sam. She’d like to help.”

“She’s an irresponsible junkie!” Jamie snaps.

His father glances at me and frowns. “James, keep your voice down.”

I’ve noticed that whenever Jamie’s father is upset with him, he calls him “James.” The same way my mother always calls me “Charlotte” when she’s upset at me.

“I just don’t trust her,” Jamie says, more quietly this time.

His father sighs. “You haven’t seen her in a long time. She’s really gotten her act back together. She’s like a completely different person.” He pauses. “She’s hoping you’ll be willing to work out… an arrangement.”

“What did she want?” Jamie asks. “Visitation rights?”

His father shakes his head. “She mentioned joint custody.”

Jamie’s mouth falls open. He stares down at his lap, his eyes glassy. “Never. She will never, ever…”

“Jamie,” his father says in a gentle voice. “When you come home, you’re still going to need a lot of help. If Karen can take Sam part of the time, that would make things a lot easier for all of us. Your mom and I aren’t so young anymore, you know.”

When Jamie speaks again, his voice is low but I can hear every word: “She’ll have to kill me first.”

38

BEFORE

When I get home from work, Clark is sitting in his usual spot on the couch, watching television in jeans and a T-shirt. He glances up when I walk into the living room, then reaches for the remote to shut off the television. Which he actually almost never does. I wonder what the special occasion is where I get priority over the TV.

“Hey,” Clark says. He’s grinning at me. “I’m glad you’re home. I want to show you something.”

Sounds like a present. Is it an anniversary I’m not aware of? I smile back at him. “Sure.”

Clark hops off the couch, and heads for my desk, which is in the corner of the living room. Kitty even emerges from her current hiding place to see what all the fuss is about. Kitty and I watch as Clark slides open the top drawer, then pulls out the contents. I’ve never seen one before in real life, so it takes me a minute to recognize what he’s holding as a gun.

I almost faint. Is he freaking kidding me?

“You bought a gun?” I almost scream at him. Kitty hisses in Clark’s general direction. She’s totally on my side.

“Yeah!” Clark is bouncing on his heels, excited about the deadly weapon he’s introduced into our home. “It’s a Glock 19. The guy at the gun store told me it’s a good starter gun.”

Starter gun? Does that mean he thinks there will be future guns?

“Why did you buy a gun, for Christ’s sake?” I’m still almost screaming.

“Well, you seemed so worried about that threatening letter you got the other day,” Clark says. “I thought this would reassure you. To have some protection in the house.”