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“Boyfriend of the week,” I correct. I do not need them fighting over who is the best at being my boyfriend, except weekly. I refuse to score them for last week. Last weekend by itself was a lot. They all were the best, so it was a draw.

“Did Jack find anything else?” Nico asks as Eli catches the ball and spins around the defense to run into the end zone, scoring another touchdown. The guys are on fire tonight, and the crowd loves it.

He and Luke crash helmets together before the huddle.

I shake off the sparks lighting me up and focus. Nico asked about Jack and the files from the quarry.

“He’s narrowed it down to a few folders.” We haven’t talked about it much. Every night after he does his homework, he scans through the photos in a file while I work on my essays with the guys.

We’ve returned to video cam but keep it PG. Mostly so they can help me with my college applications. I can’t imagine someone having to watch us discuss whether I should talk about dance lessons or classes in the essays. But it’s good to see the others, and even if they aren’t in the same room, it soothes me.

“I haven’t found anything in the ones he gave me.” Nico wraps his hand around my upper arm.

Terror tears through me at his touch, and I almost pull away from him. I do wince, although not intentionally.

“You okay?” His eyes are worried as he looks me over and drops his hand.

I shake it off and drag in a rough breath. The phantom emotions float away as if they were never there. “That’s my arm with the bruises.”

He nods, and we watch the game for a second, while I shake off the bad feelings.

“Still nothing?” Nico asks quietly.

I shake my head and watch Luke run in the ball for the extra points. The crowd goes wild behind us. I make some notes on the chart. It’s difficult to talk about, but sometimes things trigger me. I never know what’s going to do it. I still don’t remember anything from that night.

The thing with me freezing when I was with the girls in the stands wasn’t an isolated incident. Jack grabbed my arm to pull me out of the way of someone in the hallway, and I froze. For a second, icy dread rolled down my spine, but then it was gone. When I told my mom about it, she said sometimes our bodies remember trauma even if our minds block it out. Some sort of survival instinct probably.

Nico brings me in against his side, and for a moment, I rest my head against him. I let the feeling fully fade as the guys run off the field. Caden’s gaze is fixed on me. He jerks off his helmet and stops in front of me. His hair drips with sweat.

“What happened?” He brushes his hair back as he searches my eyes.

“Trigger,” Nico states matter-of-factly. “I touched her arm.”

Caden doesn’t walk away. His fingers twitch like he wants to reach for me. “Good now?”

I nod. We have our first meeting with the therapist this weekend. If I don’t bring this up to her, I know the guys will. But there’s nothing any of us can do to stop it. I don’t know what’s going to trigger me, because I still don’t have memories from that night.

Caden breathes in and turns to watch our team kick the ball to the opposing team, closing in on my other side. “We’ll figure this out, little nympho.”

I touch his arm in reassurance. I’m good as far as I know. It’s just every now and then something will stop me. It’s like my emotions from that night are haunting me. No memories. Just fear, despair, regret, terror.

“Get a drink, Ross!” Coach Turner walks over to us. “Lee, to the bench. You’ve stood long enough.”

The guys roll their eyes but follow the coach’s orders.

Coach Turner stands next to me with his arms crossed. His attention is on the game. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Luke, Eli, and Jack talking to Caden.

“You okay?” Coach Turner’s voice is soft.

I turn to look up at him. He’s a beautiful man, and if I thought for one moment he was my competition for Jack, I’d give up. But Jack is mine, and I’m more than secure in that knowledge.

“I’m good, Coach.”

He nods. “You need anything, let me know. We can make room on the bench if you need to sit.”

“Thanks.” And I mean it. This past week, everyone has been treating me with kid gloves. Which honestly, isn’t that bad. Without Zach, Sidney, and Tanner scowling at me, school has been nice. Calm.

Coach Turner glances around us before leaning in. “Thought you should know. Zach’s lawyer is trying to get him out on house arrest. We’re fighting it, but I don’t want you to find out after the fact.”