Page 149 of Valentino

I can’t imagine what goes through his mind on a daily basis.

Giovanna has been on my mind this week; a lot more than she ever has been before. I think that being with Valentino has opened up wounds, and even though Val and I have always known each other, spending this much time with him brings with it a deep sense of guilt.

He was her man, loving him caused her death. Not in the real sense of course, Carlo caused her death, quite literally. But what I mean is, if Giovanna wasn’t dating Valentino, she wouldn’t have been in the situation she was in and would no doubt still be alive today.

Some days it all feels like a bad dream, something that happened in an action movie. Other days it’s all too real, Carlo’s betrayal…. Unimaginable.

How could he murder her in cold blood…his childhood best friend’s partner?

Forget about me, I was the stupid girlfriend, not even that. I was the side piece he used to get into the group. But to betray Valentino the way that he did….

I glance outside to see Val still talking on the phone, with his back to me, his dark brown hair has a honey hue to it and a little length that kicks up at the ends. His large muscular shoulders scream for attention and as he holds his phone to his ear I can see those damn forearm veins from here.

“Isn’t it….” Palmira says.

“Sorry?” I shake my head, embarrassed by my wayward thoughts. “I missed that; I couldn’t hear you.”

“It’s good to be out.” She winks with a flirtatious smile.

“Oh.” I smile. “It is.”

Palmira is the fiancé of Renato, one of the boys’ oldest friends. Valentino and Giuliano went to school with him and although he doesn’t work for Ferrara, he knows how everything works and they come everywhere with us as part of the group. It’s nice to have normal friends and on nights like this, it feels like the only grounding force. Our one anchor to reality. Sitting beside them is Romeo and a beautiful woman, I have met her before but for the life of me I cannot remember her name. Romeo has a different glamour model on his arm most nights. He’s rugged and handsome and the player of all players.

We’ve learnt not to get too close to his dates, small talk, and fun times only, and if they ever ask us any questions about him, we know nothing. Emotional avoidance is key and it’s not always easy because they are all so nice.

As I sit here and listen to the table chat a sinking realization of dread sets in, did the boys avoid talking to me in fear they would reveal something about Carlo’s double life? I know they knew about the other women, but did they know that he also had a hidden wife?

With a shaky hand I sip my wine and slosh it around in my mouth as my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

God…I feel like such a fool.

“What’s wrong?” Francesca asks.

“Nothing.” I shrug. “Why?”

“You look deep in thought.”

“Just deep in hunger.” I open the menu and look over the choices, and I feel him before I see him. The chair beside me pulls out and Valentino sits down.

“Hey, sorry I had to take that.”

My heart skips a beat.

“That’s okay.” I smile, flustered by my physical reaction to his close proximity.

“Here you go, Anna.” Giuliano hands me a glass of champagne.

“Thank you.” I take a sip, tastes good…. It’s all I can do not to tip my head back and drain the glass, it’s been a long two months. Francesca goes back to talking to Giuliano and we are left alone. Valentino holds his glass of champagne to mine. “Cheers, Anna.”

“Cheers.” I clink it with mine.

He leans in so that only I can hear him. “You saved me a seat.”

I smirk.

“What makes you think that I want to sit next to you?”

I smile into my glass of wine; this whole hiding thing we have going on really is quite appealing.