Page 109 of Valentino

Some things are better left unsaid, I know that now.

How can I be angry with him for being truthful? Would I rather he lie?

He told me who he is and warned me of what’s at stake and if anything, I should be grateful that he laid it all out in black and white.

Every now and then his eyes flick between the road and me as if expecting me to say something.

I pretend not to notice and keep my eyes on the road.

To use your body to gratify my deepest depravities…until you are raw and broken. And completely fucking mine.

The car pulls into the underground parking lot, we get into the elevator and ride up to his penthouse in silence.

He stares at the back of the doors, his jaw moves as he clenches it as if thinking in real time.

How do I make this better?

We arrive at the apartment and he puts his keys down onto the hall table. “I have work to do,” he says, void of emotion.

I stand on the spot, hurt that he can’t seem to find the words either. “Okay.” He walks up the hall and into his office, the door closes with a sharp snap.

Deliberate and final.

Just like any hope for us.

Steam fills the bathroom, the air is hot and foggy, and water drips down the mirrors.

That happens when you stand in a shower for over an hour.

Waterlogged, heart wrenched and torn. I’ve searched my soul for the answer to all of my problems. And I don’t know much, but I do know one thing.

I’ve come too far to only come this far.

If we end up hating each other, it will be better than living my entire life wondering what if. I can’t go on like this, wanting him from afar without any idea if we would ever work.

No.

This ends tonight.

Resolved, I turn the water off. I dry myself at double pace, filled with a sudden urgency, I put on my cream silk robe and march to his office.

I hold the door handle and close my eyes, and this is it, the moment of truth.

I swing the door open to see him sitting at his desk, his eyes rise to meet mine.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” I walk toward him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been thinking.”

He stands and walks around to my side of the desk. “About what?”

“I’m thinking that.” I step closer, so that we are standing toe-to-toe. “You need to keep your opinions to yourself.”

A trace of a smile crosses his face. “And why is that?”