Page 176 of The Heart You Kept

“Be honest with yourself, are you in love with Alora?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug as sadness falls over me, I can’t even do therapy right.

“Let’s talk about that for a moment. What does the thought of being in love, truly all in with your soulmate, make you feel?”

I stare at him as I feel fear swirl deep in my psyche. “Terrified.”

“Why?”

“None of my scars came from an enemy,” I murmur.

“I know.”

“And if I….” The lump in my throat blocks my vocal cords and his silhouette blurs.

“A beautiful life is not stumbled upon, Edward, it is built. You can’t skip chapters, you have to live through this experience to get to the life you so badly desire. To find the deep-seated happiness that you deserve.”

My eyes search his.

“Have you told Alora how you feel? Talked to her about your roadblocks?”

“Fuck no.”

“Why not?”

“What, tell her I can’t be in a relationship because she could fuck me up?”

“As I see it, not being in a relationship with her is the only thing that’s fucking you up.”

“And if I let myself love her and then something happens…. What then?”

“But if you don’t let yourself love her…something will happen.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She will not wait forever, she will move on from you. Are you really prepared to watch her fall in love and then marry someone else? He then gets to have the life that you wanted. She has his children, she makes him happy…while you’re still stuck in the same old toxic patterns with women you don’t really want to be with.”

My eyes hold his.

“It sounds like a very mediocre existence, if you ask me.”

I begin to hear my heartbeat in my ears.

“Edward, in my experience, someone who overthinks love, is someone who over-feels it.”

A lump forms in my throat and I drag my eyes away from his.

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful to give that love to one woman and to have her love you with her whole heart in return?”

Emotion fills me and I drop my head to evade his gaze. “I need to go.”

“Please think about what we discussed today.”

“Goodbye.” I walk out of his office and straight past reception.

“Do you need another appointment, sir….” she calls after me.

I push through the doors without answering, I’m not coming back here again.