Page 44 of Stanton Unconditional

“Tash, take your phone out of your bag, honey,” he whispers as we get to my door.

I frown at him.

“Do it,” he whispers. I do as he asks.

“I will stand right here ok. You call me if you need me. I’ll be right at the door.”

I frown at him as I open the door and step back in shock. Joshua is standing front and center in my lounge room. His haunted eyes meet mine. My eyes immediately fill with tears and I close the door silently behind me.

Dear God…he’s so beautiful. A wave of affection rolls over me. Why? Why has he come? I can’t take this, I’m not strong enough.

He is wearing his three-piece navy suit, his armor from the outside world. His dark hair and skin are in contrast to his white shirt. His hands are in his pockets. I stand still, rooted to the spot.

“Natasha,” he whispers.

Instantly my lip quivers and my tears fall onto my cheeks.

He rushes me and grabs me into an embrace, where I fall against his chest. We stand still and silent. His arms around me and my arms straight at my sides. I sob out loud. I want to stay in his arms...I can’t say goodbye. I’m not strong enough, I can’t do this. He kisses my temple. “Tash… I’ve missed you.”

The lump in my throat forms and I can’t speak. I want to tell him I’ve missed him too, but I can’t. I need to be strong for the both of us. I need to set him free so he can be with Amelie…I know he loves her. He just doesn’t realize it yet and he won’t, until I release him. He kisses my face again, his eyes close in reverence. I need to do this; I need to get it over with.

I pull out of his embrace and fold my arms in front of me in defense. He bites his bottom lip as he thinks.

“Natasha, let me explain. I need to tell you what happened that night,” he whispers. I want to scream at him to get out, but I need to hear this.

I nod nervously.

“Tash, I was…so sad. I didn’t think you were coming back to me. Cameron and Adrian had sat me down that day and told me I needed to snap out of it, and they didn’t think you were coming back either.” He shakes his head in regret as his eyes fill with tears. “I went to Willowvale. I hadn’t been there since I came back to America. I wanted to see Jasper.”

I stand still as I picture what he is telling me, my face expressionless.

He swallows again. “I had dinner with Amelie and a few glasses of wine.”

He shakes his head too quickly. “I finished up and went to my room. I had a shower and I had come out of the bathroom with a towel around me.”

My eyes close in pain.

He frowns as he relives the memory. “Amelie was in my room, and she had a robe on.”

I hold my hand up in a stop signal. I can’t hear this.

“Tash…I don’t know what happened. One minute I was sitting on the bed, the next thing she was on top of me.”

I slam my hands over my ears. Stop it…stop it…stop it. “Tash, I promise you. As soon as I realized what was happening I pushed her off me. I told her I was in love with you.”

I stand still with my hands over my ears and yet I can hear every sordid detail he is explaining to me in IMAX.

The caustic tears burn my face as they roll down my cheeks. “Natasha, I swear to you. It was just once, and it went for one minute. There was no emotion. She lied to hurt you…which in turn hurts me.”

My head drops as I think.

“I was furious with her. I trusted her and she…she forced herself onto me. Tash…please,” he whispers.

I can’t talk. If I say anything, I know I will take him back. I love him just too much.

“Natasha…please talk to me.” I shake my head.

“I had a massive fight with Amelie. I was so mad at her. I got dressed and got the hell out of there. Then I went home. I was so disgusted with myself, I watched the movies of the two of us together all weekend and then I took drugs like a fucking idiot.