Page 37 of Sorry

“No, I am just still very much new to all things men but I am not freaking out. I told myself I will not be a hypocrite and be a homophobe to myself, if I never was to others.” I said, matter-of-factly.

Cuddling into me more, “That is an amazing way to think about it, I am proud of you and happy that you aren’t struggling over it. And it’s amazing you have supportive friends. That is so rare to find.”

“I am very lucky to have them and… you? Um… I wanted to ask you for a while now, actually from the first time we kissed. Are we… I mean…are you my boyfriend now?” The grin that took over his face, squashed all the nerves I felt wanting to ask him this.

And he said, “I wanted to ask you that too, but I was unsure if you would think it’s too soon. I would love to be your boyfriend Alex.”

“Does being your boyfriend give me access to naked snuggles?” I was being greedy, sue me.

“All the naked snuggles. Naked Cuddle Buddies. I like it.” We kissed for a bit more and broke it off before we got too excited, and before that dipshit returned and startled MY Sam again. MY BOYFRIEND!

“How is your foot? We’ve got to shower first, I can carry you if you need me to.” I offered.

He rotated his foot testing it. “It's better for me to try and stand on it.” Getting up carefully out of the bed he managed to put weight on it but I noticed he was walking with a little limp. “I'm good to go.”

We dressed in our dirty clothes and snuck out into Sam’s room, for him to take some clean clothes then sneak back out and into the bathroom. We were acting like teenagers, giggling and sneaking around. I would have felt silly if I wasn’t so happy, that my heart could burst. Tess would have had a heart attack for even suggesting that we try to have some fun.

There was nothing stealthy about me and my giant body banging into the door frames. In the bathroom, we locked the door and started stripping out of our clothes. Both of us smiled so much, my face hurt.

This is how it was supposed to feel, being looked at without disgust. This is what it felt to like someone, and for them to like you back. I would never be able to forgive myself for wasting so many years, when I could have been this fucking happy.

Sam switched the water on in the shower, and walked in under the stream of water, I followed right behind him. I did my best not to look at every inch of him and not get excited, with the bliss I experienced last night with him this was torture. My life had changed forever.

I never thought sucking cock would be the thing I'd do and enjoy it, but here we were. We washed ourselves quickly and managed not to turn it into another make out session. Both of us were starving by now. Fresh and dressed in clean clothes, we walked into the kitchen finding Matt and Jake taking out enough sandwiches to feed the whole Lantry out of the ‘Snack & Brew’ paper bags. They both lifted their heads and smiled at us. Ah hell…

“Well well well. Who do we have here?” Jake asked theatrically.

“Don’t start, dickhead.” I warned.

“Did you guys sleep well?” Matt asked, his face getting red despite trying to be casual about it.

“Yes we did thanks for asking. Can we eat now?” I said, in an attempt to move along from them busting our balls. I was used to them but I didn’t know how Sam would take it.

“Actually there was very little sleeping happening last night, I hope we didn't keep you two cuties awake. You guys looked too sweet, snuggling on the love seat bean bag.” Sam cut in. You could cut silence with the knife. Then I burst into laughter so hard, I had tears coming out of my eyes when I saw their stumped faces.

“Well damn Sam you don’t beat around the bush. Shiiiit!” Jake said, scratching the back of his head.

“You got them so good Pup.” I leaned down and kissed him in front of The Crew, almost puffing up my chest. Seeing him come out of his shell made my heart sing.

“Did you guys sleep here all night on the bean bag?” Sam asked.

There was a long pause before Jake coughed a little and said, “Ermm yeah. We did. Yup!” his voice broke, and went a bit high pitched on the last word, he clapped his hands loudly and shouted, “OK! Let's eat! We have to start on the wall for the counters in the bakery.”

That was weird. Right? We sat down and after a few seconds of awkward silence, Sam started asking random questions about the renovation progress, obviously to help move away from whatever the fuck that was all about.

CHAPTER 41

SAM

We finished our breakfast and I told everyone to get going to work, while I cleaned up the table. Awkward moments with Matt and Jake had distracted me enough from obsessing over the fact I had a boyfriend. A fucking gorgeous, gentle and kind boyfriend.

It felt unreal. Everything between us moved so fast but it felt so natural. Flashbacks from last night were flooding my mind, and I needed to pinch myself to accept it really happened. My first blowjob! It was amazing, better than I imagined.

Kyle never wanted to do it to me and I never wanted it from him anyway, honestly it never crossed my mind. I was never considered when we had sex. Well he had sex, I was there whether I wanted to be or not.

Fucking Kyle! I didn’t want to be thinking about him ever again, but he tainted everything in my life. I would do my best to eradicate him from my life and my thoughts. I had to. All I was doing by letting him invade my thoughts, was giving him power over me again and again.

Having no libido for so many years, to having trouble hiding my erection from being around Alex, was daunting but a welcomed change.