Page 25 of Sorry

When I turned around, Sam's face hit me hard. He looked so sad and dejected.

He looked at me with watery eyes and I couldn't just stand there. I knew where he had just come from. He was still grieving so this must have been so hard for him. All I seemed to be doing since I met him was hugging him. He hadn't yet shown it bothered him so I wasn't planning on stopping. I hoped Matt and Jake also warned him about me being a perpetual hugger. When he started crying in my arms, I made it my mission to make him feel better. Then I called him Pup. He must have thought I was weird, we just met but the pet name just spilled out. The name felt right, it fit him.

He made a little keening noise after I let go of him. I grabbed his small hand in mine and had him in my lap, on the couch in seconds. I wanted to take all of his grief away. I sometimes hated being an empath. I felt what others felt, so deeply that their pain became mine.

The moment where I felt him tense up, when my arms went around him, I felt horrible and so guilty. But he made me laugh when he grabbed my arms and put them back around himself. I caressed his hair, trying to soothe him and he seemed to relax and he stopped crying. I nearly wanted to puff my chest up.

He liked me calling him Pup, and we came to an agreement that we are now cuddle buddies. I loved that idea. He fit in my arms so well.

I was aware that therapy would probably be better, but cuddling up with Sam on the sofa, while watching TV sounded so much better. None of this was normal. The speed in which we just jumped into being roommates, and went from being total strangers to being a cuddle puddle, should be weird and frightening but it felt natural.

We joked through his remaining tears and once he had fully calmed down, we finished up cleaning. In eleven years of my marriage, I had never felt as domesticated as I did in that moment, with a practical stranger. The whole time I had a sense of belonging.

“I think that's all that needs to be done. I need a shower to wash this day away. It's not too late to invite The Crew to movie night, or we could go over to them. Maybe it would be better to go over because we won't all fit on this sofa.” Sam said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“NO!” I squeak out, “I mean, no need for another couch, we can get bean bags specifically for them. Jake always ends up on the floor in front of the sofa, and Matt ends up following him down. Maybe even a two person bean bag for the two of them?” I was pathetically offering a solution, so there is no chance of Sam sitting away from me during TV time.

“Ok yeah! That's a good idea. Will you help me pick one online tomorrow? You know them better so you'll know what they would prefer.” Sam said, not noticing my mini panic.

“Sure thing. I'll text them and see if they are up for hanging out” Letting out a sigh of relief, I texted the guys.

THE CREW CHAT

ME: Hey. Are you guys home and up for some company in about an hour? Sam had a rough day after signing inheritance documents today. He suggested hanging out over at your house, if you guys are in the mood.

JAKE: That sucks man

JAKE: Don't need to ask.

JAKE: Just come over.

MATT: Of course Alex. That had to be really hard.

ME: Ok cool we will see you soon.

After Sam finished his shower we got dressed, locked up the house and went over to their house for our first official full Crew movie night.

CHAPTER 29

SAM

Alex was sitting in–what I was told is his spot–the corner of the sectional.

Matt and Jake were on the floor, in front of the longer part of the couch and I was sitting right beside Alex, on the shorter end. We just got comfortable and the guys were already fighting whether to watch action or horror.

Alex leaned into my ear and whispered, “This is normal, there is no point in suggesting anything or trying to stop it. They will get to an agreement eventually, just kick back and watch.” I laughed, and did as he said and leaned back shoulder-to-shoulder with him and watched the show.

“Matt, I don't want to watch any more horror movies. I had nightmares, man. I don’t like it! I am starting to think you do this on purpose!” Jake shouted, but it lacked the actual anger.

“I am not doing it on purpose, Jake. All we have been watching lately is action and comedy movies. I could say the same for you. You are always insisting on action movies, knowing I get bored and you see the opportunity to ask me to scratch your back. And I do it just so I don’t expire from watching another car chase.”

“Hey! You’ve never had a problem scratching my back before!” Jake clutched his imaginary pearls.

“I don’t have a problem dumbass, I have scratched your back since we were nine years old. I just don't wanna watch action movies!” Matt exclaimed.

“FINE! We can watch a horror movie. You pick one, but you are scratching my back while we watch, it might help me not have nightmares.” Matt climbed up and sat behind Jake on the sofa, with his legs splayed on each side of Jake. Jake whipped his shirt off, with the goofiest grin, and handed the remote to Matt.

I didn’t know who actually won, because both of them had sly smirks on their faces. Alex and I looked at each other and started laughing out loud.