Page 13 of Sorry

CHAPTER 16

ALEX

The morning of the funeral. Jake was fidgeting, he knew Matt didn't do well in large crowds, but at least when Jake was around he coped so much better. They explained it to me once, that he was worse as a child, but when they got close as kids Jake learned all the things that make Matt’s anxiety kick in, so he has been helping him ever since.

We were waiting for Matt to finish changing his clothes, so we could head over to the cemetery.

“I think we should go next door and help with the extra tables and chairs for after the funeral” I said, almost instantly regretting it because that would be the first time I’d seen Sam since that first time. But I swallowed my odd nervous feelings because the guy needed all the support he could get right now.

“Is it the same in Serbia where Miss Mila is from?” Jake asked, getting his shoes on.

“It is also a Serbian custom, Miss Jenny said. They usually gather at the deceased's home after the funeral and there is lots of food and drinks. It is to honor and celebrate their life, talk about memories they shared with that person.”

Matt walked out of his bedroom ready to go. “Alright guys, let's go over to ‘Snack & Brew’, Miss Jenny has tables and chairs ready to go.”

We were bringing over the first set of chairs across the road, when the door opened to Miss Mila's house. Sam stood there dressed in all black, eyes wide in surprise. He looked pale and tired.

“Oh, hi.” he said, sheepishly.

“Hi, we are here to lend a hand with these chairs and anything else you need. Also, we are all very sorry for your loss.” I gave him a small friendly grin, to try to break the ice.

“Thank you, I wasn't so sure if I was going to be able to carry the tables on my own. Are you sure it’s not too much of a problem?" He stepped aside to let us in.

As I stepped to pass beside him, he looked down as I said, “You don't have to do it by yourself, we are all here for you Sam. No it’s not a problem at all.” The moment I said his name, he looked up at me like he did the first time… and there they were, those sad eyes. All of those feelings of the need to reach and comfort him; that I had when we met, were so much stronger now.

We walked inside his house and set the chairs in the middle of the living room.

It was cozy here, unlike all the fancy sterile shit Tess has our house decorated with, because we couldn't have people realizing we lived in the tiny rural town in Lantry. God forbid. This house felt like how a home should feel. Mismatched furniture, plants on the windowsills, and a colorful warm carpet in the living room. The kitchen counters were covered with boxes and bowls. It looked like tons of food was there but I couldn't see what they were because it was all covered with kitchen foil and lids.

“Wow there is a lot of food there, did the whole town pitch in?” Jake asked.

“Ah that.” Sam almost whispered, his cheeks turning red, “I prepared it all yesterday so I could finish cooking and baking when we returned from the cemetery. That way it's fresh and warm. Baka would want people to eat well, it was always our thing. She liked to show love and gratitude through food."

"You cook? That's amazing! I look forward to trying some of it. But we need to make sure to keep big guy Alex over here away from it, there won't be anything left for any of us.” Matt ratted me out, and then it was my turn to blush. I was lucky I had a short beard that hopefully hid it.

“Oh I am sure there is enough for everyone. I kind of went overboard the whole day yesterday to keep my mind off of things. Oh my God! Sorry. I am so sorry. I am oversharing. I am sure you guys are busy. I don't want to keep you too long.” Sam said, suddenly looking panicked.

Matt noticed too and he quickly tried calming him down. “No such thing as oversharing when you are with us, wait till you hear what comes out of Jake's mouth all the time. Don’t apologize. You are part of our odd group now, isn’t that right guys?” Matt turned towards me and Jake and we nodded, grinning at him invitingly because I saw how skittish he was.

“Yes man, we got you, you are a part of THE CREW now.” Jake said, with his thundering voice, startling Sam for a second. But Sam covered it by crossing his arms, and rubbing his biceps as if he was cold.

He smiled; the smallest, most timid smile I’ve ever seen and said, “Thank you. That is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.” eyes glossy. I couldn’t help thinking that it was kind of sad if it was the truth, if he wasn't just saying it.

“OK guys, let’s get moving.” I then gave instructions to everyone, so we could get the room ready. Once everyone was assigned a job, I turned to Sam and asked, “ Do you drive? Who are you going with to the funeral?” The need to make sure I solved every problem was clear to everyone.

Sam looked at me questioningly and responded, “Erm... I don't drive, I was going to walk over. Why?”

“You were gonna walk?” I walked slowly towards him. He was standing near the small island that separated the kitchen from the living room. My eyebrows drew together and he almost folded in on himself as he nodded.

“Sam, no way! The cemetery is almost a thirty minute walk from here, if not more. You aren't walking on your own, to your own grandmother's funeral.” I demanded, “You are coming with us, Matt is driving us in his van.”

His eyes went big, he swallowed loudly and began stuttering, “I… I mean. I couldn't possibly bother you more than I already have. You guys are already doing so much, I really don't want to be a burden.”

“Hey, hey, hey. Deep breaths, look at me.” My voice was firm but low, so as not to make things worse. Jake and Matt went over to grab the rest of the chairs, leaving us alone. “I don't want to hear it, you are not a burden. All three of us meant it when we said we’ve got you. Jake said you are a part of ‘The Crew’ now, so you have no other choice but to accept it, and all the other shenanigans that come hand-in-hand when you are around us, okay?” His breathing regulated, and he shyly accepted my offer.

I regretted offering, the minute we sat in the van. This was an inappropriate time for me to be noticing the warmth of his body, with how close he was sitting to me. We were squeezed into the back of Matt’s van, closer than necessary because of all of the tools that were packed in here; from yesterday’s job.

This was so not the time to inhale deeply, the intoxicating scent coming from his hair filled my nostrils. Shampoo? Cologne? Him? Whatever it was, it was giving me butterflies. I was a thirty year old, married man, who was built like a brick house and I was getting butterflies because the cute guy beside me, smelled nice. This was a total nightmare.