Page 72 of Golden Ruin

Not sure how I should feel.

I fill the time asking Jax about his day and telling him a story about a dog who came into the clinic this morning after eating a whistle. Just as I’m finishing up, Sterling walks back, balancing everyone’s food and drinks in his massive hands. I lean over to open his door, and he climbs in. He passes Jax his hot dog and juice box, then hands me my fries, but there’s only one drink. A large strawberry lemonade. Just like we used to share back in the day.

“Shit,” Sterling mumbles, seeming to realize the mistake at the same time I do. “Old habit. I’ll go grab another one.”

“It’s fine.”

I place my hand on his arm as he reaches for the handle, and when the contact seems to catch us both off guard, I quickly let go.

“We can just share it. It’s not a big deal,” I reassure him, but I’m not sure I believe that myself.

He pauses a beat longer, then unwraps his burger as I squeeze ketchup into the corner of my box. The three of us eat in silence, and I nod once I’m a few bites in.

“The fries are good. Then again, it’s kind of hard to mess up fries. How’s the burger?”

Sterling shrugs, and I smile as he stares at it. “Pretty much the same as before. Dry, unseasoned, a little rubbery.”

I glance down at it, scrunching my face. “Ew.”

He nods. “Yeah.”

I turn to Jax. “Everything good?”

He’s mid-chew, so only gives a thumbs up.

“Well, at least we know nothing’s changed,” I sigh, popping another fry into my mouth.

“Unfortunately.”

I laugh as Sterling makes a face while biting into his burger again.

“Dude, why not just… I don’t know… stop eating it? That is an option, you know.”

He shakes his head. “I already committed. No turning back.”

My laugh gets louder, and with the window down, the sound earns me a look from a few people waiting in line to be served.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“No, I’m resilient. Big difference,” he says.

Without looking, he reaches behind his seat to hand Jax a napkin just as I catch him swiping juice off his shirt. Like Sterling’s got some sort of sixth sense when it comes to what our kid needs.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

He fist bumps Jax from a slightly awkward angle, then goes back to eating. And I’m… fucking staring. Right at him because there’s something about watching him parent, seeing the love and care and protection he exudes so effortlessly. I sip from our shared drink, still not blinking, and as soon as I set it down, he reaches for it next.

My eyes lower to his throat as he swallows, and I can’t put my finger on one single thing about him that’s attractive, because every-damn-thing about him is attractive. And while the outer package speaks for itself, the real prize when it comes to sterling… is his heart.

Shit.

A flicker of internal panic hits, and I finally look away. The things I’ve thought about him lately, imagined about him lately… it’s dangerous. In so many ways.

I’m distracted and trying not to spiral when he reaches toward me, swiping his thumb against the corner of my mouth. It isn’t until I allow myself to look at him again that I realize I must’ve had ketchup on my lip, but I’m not even thinking about that a second later. Because I’m watching him again, mesmerized as he drags his thumb between his lips without a second thought. Like this is normal behavior between exes.

“Mommy.”

My head whips toward Jax, and I try to focus. “Yes?”