Page 108 of Golden Ruin

How he carries Jax and me with him.

Always.

I place a hand on my stomach, remembering how self-conscious I felt with him seeing how my body’s changed since becoming a mom. The stretchmarks have never felt like a big deal, but there was this sudden need to be perfect for him. Only, as he kissed them, as he eased my mind about them, I realized that the marks on my body tell a part of our story too.

Just like his tattoos.

The next place my mind goes is the moment right before being interrupted by the call. What sticks with me most isn’t even that sex was on the table tonight, it’s the choice we made surrounding it, starting with Sterling being out of condoms.

By far, he’s the most intentional man I know, and he’s never careless. So, if he pitched his stash before moving here, it means more than what anyone else would see on the surface. It means he wasn’t expecting intimacy. It means he wasn’t looking for casual sex or random hookups. It means he’d closed off his body and his heart after his relationship fell apart.

And the realization that he’s willing to put both on the line with me… isn’t something small.

I breathe deep when my phone buzzes on the table, moving as little as possible when I reach for it. My stomach drops at the sight of Matt’s name, though, and I hesitate before reading his text. Not because he’s done something wrong, but because my entire life shifted sideways less than an hour ago.

Matt: Hey. I know you probably need space, but I just wanted to check on you. Hope everything’s okay.

I stare at his words, recalling yesterday’s conversation. After confessing that things are complicated with Sterling, Matt made his stance clear. A stance I both understand and respect. He doesn’t want to be in the middle of something complicated or unfinished, and all things considered, Sterling and I are definitely both those things. So, to avoid pulling Matt in deeper, I don’t respond, because that feels like the kindest thing I can do. And right after making that decision, I make another.

I have to cut things off with Matt once and for all

We haven’t put labels or titles on what we’ve become, but he’s a good guy and a good friend. Which is why he deserves nothing but honesty and truth. It’s the least I can do.

I’m about to stand from the couch to see what Sterling and Jax are up to, but another notification halts me.

Joss: Shit, I’m just gonna come right out and ask. Was Pandora on to something or…

I smile, not sure I’ll respond, but as I’m considering it, all the girls’ names pop up with dots dancing beside them.

Dez: I was JUST about to ask!!

Blue: Let’s see. Sterling’s been out of town, the house was quiet, and she’s conveniently not answering. I’m not one to speculate, but…

Jules: Oh, they DEFINITELY fucked. Why is this even a question?

Scar: Am I the only one who thinks they probably just talked? Enjoyed the silence?

More dots bouncing beside everyone’s names before their responses flood the chat.

Joss: Yes.

Jules: Basically.

Blue: Um…

Dez: Girl, if you believe that, you’re naive as hell.

I’m tempted to play along, to stay silent, but all the chatter baits me right into the conversation.

Lexi: Go to bed, freaks.

Dez: Let the record show, she didn’t deny anything!

Jules: Well, she can tell us all about it over drinks tomorrow night. 7 p.m. @ our usual spot.

Rolling my eyes as I laugh, I put the phone in my shirt pocket, then stretch when I stand, curious what’s going on upstairs that’s kept Sterling so long.

I turn off the few lights still on, then check the locks before heading up. I’m quiet, listening to Sterling read softly.