Page 58 of Fueled Hate

“You had no way of knowing what would happen.” Bryce’s voice is sincere and stern, but it doesn’t make the words mean any more or less.

“That doesn’t change the fact that my little brother was only here because of me.”

“Dylan, nothing is going to bring Noah back. Nothing. Blaming Kyle, proving it wasn’t an accident, nothing. You’re still gonna have that guilt plus more.”

“I need to know why it happened.”

“What if there’s not a reason? Shit happens all the time for no fucking reason.”

“There’s always a reason. Just sometimes they are insignificant and sometimes they change everything.”

“You’re so full of shit, Dylan. Noah didn’t do anything he didn’t want to do, just like his stubborn-ass brother. And he would not want you to feel guilty about it.”

“What about my mom? What would she think?”

Bryce hesitates, silently confirming my fear before he tries to recover. “She won’t blame you. That’s only you. But now I fully understand why you’re so set on this insane mission to blame someone for Noah’s death, because you don’t want to blame yourself.”

“It’ll still be my fault in the end.”

“Noah was like a brother to me. I knew him almost as well as I know your headstrong ass. He wouldn’t hold you responsible for him being in Sunland. I don’t blame you for him being there. But the only opinion that matters here is yours. It’s gonna eat at you from the inside out if you let it.”

“It already has,” I admit, knowing it’s one of the reasons I can’t let Noah’s death go. I can’t walk away. I’ll never be able to make Sadie happy, even if we get through all the other obstacles. It’s all tied together.

“I think we should take a vote,” Bryce says matter-of-factly as he picks up his phone.

“What are you doing?”

He passes me his phone. “Call your mother, tell her the heavy bullshit you’ve been carrying around, and see what she has to say about it.”

“I can’t.” I drop the phone on the floorboard near my feet. There’s no way in hell I’m making that phone call.

Bryce waves over the dashboard. “You know I can still dial her number, right?”

“Please don’t. If my mom says it’s my fault, I won’t be able to get past it.”

“You’re not gonna get past it if you keep it buried inside either.”

“I don’t want to get past it.” It is my fault, regardless of what anyone thinks. But that doesn’t mean someone doesn’t deserve to pay. Noah was here because of me; he didn’t return home because of someone else.

“We need a time-out. First round is on me.”

“Later. I need to take care of something first.”

“Okay. But I know you’re not in the market for another vehicle, so I really think drinks would be better beforehand.”

Probably so, but I just want to get this done. Sever every connection Kyle has with Sadie and get him as far away from her as I possibly can. “No. It won’t take long.”

31

Sadie

Turning over in my bed, I pull the covers up to my chin. I’d dozed off on the couch, only to be awoken by Willow arriving home. I hadn’t wanted to explain to her why I didn’t want to sleep in my bed, so I’d soaked in the tub for a while before crawling in bed, hoping I’d drift back to sleep. That had to be at least two hours ago.

Reaching for my phone, I check the time and see it’s after midnight. Why am I waiting for him to get back? He’s with Bryce, doing God only knows what. But that doesn’t stop my mind from wondering. He’d said he’d include me with anything that involves my dad or Noah’s accident, but who’s to say he hadn’t been lying.

My eyes fixate on the sheer curtains covering the window until they eventually become heavy, and I drift off to sleep until the bed shifts beside me. Holding my breath, I feel his arm loop around me as he nuzzles his nose in my hair, sighing.

I move to bring the covers tighter around me, remembering that I’m only wearing an oversize T-shirt.