Page 35 of You Were Always the One

‘What’s happened?’ Grace’s face is ashen.

‘Daddy’s collapsed.’ I glance at Max. ‘Call 999. Now. Tell them it’s an emergency.’ Bending over Miles, I’m still checking his pulse, then his breathing as Max passes me his phone. ‘They want to speak to you.’

I take it from him. ‘Hello? We need an ambulance. Quickly. The patient is forty-nine. I’m his wife – I’m a nurse. His pulse is weak, his breathing is irregular. No medical history.’ I pass the phone back to Max. ‘Can you give them our address? And make sure they know how to get here.’

Getting a blanket, I drape it over Miles. Then, sitting on the floor, I hold his hand in mine and, with Max on one side of me and Grace on the other, time passes interminably slowly as we wait.

In the hospital, Miles is examined straight away, then rushed off for a scan.

‘Is Dad going to be OK?’ Max’s face is pinched.

‘Hopefully,’ I say. ‘But they need to do more tests to find out what’s wrong.’ I put my arm around Grace. ‘You OK, sweetie?’ I ask.

Nodding, she leans her head against me.

‘You two were so great,’ I tell them. ‘Max? Making the call? Not everyone stays calm like that. I’m really proud of you,’ I try to reassure them. But as I think of Miles’s colour, of the way his eyes rolled up, the suddenness of his collapse, there’s no question something’s very wrong.

Max looks pleased, but he doesn’t smile. ‘I don’t care what Dad says about your job. You knew what to do. You were awesome, Mum.’

‘I did what I’m trained to do.’ I notice a nurse coming towards us.

‘Mrs Madigan? The doctor would like a word with you.’

‘Can you stay here?’ I look at my children. ‘This won’t take a minute.’

I follow the nurse along a corridor, where she shows me into a small room.

‘The doctor will be with you in a minute or two.’

Sitting there, I wait, on edge. Aware of how many people have sat here before me; that no one gets summoned for good news. But right now, all I can think is that Miles is going to be OK. He has to be.

A few minutes later, the doctor comes in. He looks ridiculously young. ‘Mrs Madigan? I’m Dr Brooker.’

‘How is my husband?’

He sits down. ‘He’s regained consciousness. He’s a little shaken, but he’s OK. It looks as though he had an unresponsive spell. You’re probably aware it isn’t uncommon in someone with his condition.’

My heart misses a beat. ‘I’m sorry. His condition?’ I stare at him. I have no idea what he’s alluding to. ‘Miles doesn’t have a condition.’

The doctor looks taken aback. ‘He hasn’t told you?’

‘I’m sorry. I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.’ A cold feeling comes over me. ‘Tell me, please. I need to know what’s going on.’

‘Quite.’ He shifts in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. ‘In that case, this is going to come as quite a shock.’ He says it slowly. ‘I’m afraid to tell you your husband has a brain tumour.’

I feel removed, as though it’s happening to someone else, as he goes on, explaining that Miles has had extensive tests, and that he’s booked in for surgery, next week.

Next week? Trying to process what he’s saying, I look at him, incredulous. ‘That can’t be right.’ I pause. ‘You must be confusing him with someone else.’

The doctor looks at me awkwardly. ‘I’m afraid there’s no mistake. I suggest you talk to your husband.’

I sit there, still trying to take it in. I’m a nurse. I notice changes in people. But I think of his elusiveness, of how much he sleeps; of all those occasions he’s been absent that I put down to him having another affair, as suddenly I’m wondering, how did I not know about this?

I decide to just tell the children that Miles has been overworking, that the hospital are keeping him in to monitor him. I need more facts before presenting them with the truth.

When we go to find him on the ward, Miles looks exhausted. But when he sees us, his eyes light up. ‘Sorry, guys,’ he says to the children. ‘Not sure what happened back there. But I’m fine, now.’

‘It’s OK,’ Max says. ‘Mum knew exactly what to do.’