Page 32 of You Were Always the One

Skye half-smiled. ‘I did say that, didn’t I?’

‘Let me show you where I think we should go next.’ I got out my map; ignored what I later looked back on and saw as a warning sign. ‘I was thinking the Sahara. Then after that, Portugal. Imagine Atlantic beaches, cascading rivers. Surfing. The scent of orange blossom…’ As I spoke, I watched her eyes light up.

11

HOLLY

When Riggs messages me and asks me to meet, with the distance between me and Miles, I’m already at my wits’ end. We meet that afternoon in a pub I haven’t been to before. Why? I keep asking myself. When I have enough problems in my life, when no good can come of it, why am I doing this?

The pub is forty minutes away, closer to where Riggs lives, up a country lane with fields on one side; on the other, the rolling hills of the South Downs. When I get there, the pub is nestled amongst trees, with half a dozen cars in the car park. Parking, I sit there for a moment, wondering if he’s already here, when I glance in my rear-view mirror to see him striding towards me.

I get out, and the breeze catches my hair as I turn to smile at him. ‘Hi.’ However awkward I feel, however much I tell myself otherwise, something odd is happening to my heart.

‘Hey.’ His eyes are warm as he gazes at me. ‘Shall we go and get a drink?’

Inside, the pub is cosy, the air scented with woodsmoke. At a corner table away from everyone else, I’m uncomfortable.

‘Thanks for coming,’ he says. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d be able to. Or if you’d want to.’

‘I only have an hour,’ I say. ‘I need to get home before the kids.’ I take in the circles under his eyes. ‘Is everything OK?’

Riggs is silent for a moment. ‘Not really.’ He turns his glass between his fingers. ‘It’s been a bit of a few days.’ He hesitates again. ‘I’ve just found out Emma’s pregnant.’

As I stare at him, a whole gamut of emotion runs through me. Shock. Guilt. When he and Emma are having a baby together, why does he want to see me? ‘When did you find out?’

‘A couple of days ago.’

‘Congratulations,’ I say inadequately, imagining them getting back together. I mean, there’s no better reason. I stop myself. Actually, it isn’t a good reason. It isn’t fair to bring a baby into a troubled relationship.

But he shakes his head. ‘I’d like to say thanks. But unfortunately, it isn’t like that.’

‘You’re having a baby, Riggs. That’s pretty magical.’ I take a large sip of wine.

‘We’re not together.’ Riggs looks at me. ‘Emma isn’t at all happy about it.’

‘How do you feel about it?’ But he doesn’t need to tell me. It’s easy to read how he feels from the look in his eyes.

‘I’ve told her we could do this together. I could look after the baby – and I’d support her financially.’

‘Right. Of course.’ I’ve no idea about his financial situation, or how much a writer makes. But Riggs is a decent man. And a baby takes priority over everything, which makes it even clearer that he and I have had our day. I was naïve to imagine that we could ever be something. But you don’t want something, I remind myself. You have enough on your plate with Miles. ‘You’ll be a great dad,’ I tell him.

He looks at me in shock. ‘I don’t think you understand, Holls. Emma doesn’t want the baby. It’s a mess.’

I look at him, incredulous. ‘Why not?’

‘She isn’t ready to be a mother. She likes her life and her job as they are,’ he says ruefully.

I take in what he’s saying, his obvious distress. ‘I’m sorry.’ I pause. ‘And you want her to have it?’

‘I do.’ For a moment, he doesn’t speak. ‘It’s really hard to separate everything out – Emma being pregnant, and her not wanting the baby. Then there’s you. My fucking head’s all over the place.’

I look at him sadly. ‘I think you need to leave me out of this.’

Riggs sighs heavily. ‘I’m trying, believe me. Until this happened, I’d decided to step back. To let things take their course.’

‘Really?’ I say too quickly. ‘Riggs? It’s what you’ve always done. Do you think maybe it’s part of the problem?’ I watch his face. ‘Sometimes, don’t you think you need to make things happen?’

‘I don’t know.’ He frowns. ‘I’ve always believed that things work out the way they’re meant to. But you don’t need me to tell you that.’