Page 2 of You Were Always the One

‘What the fuck, Holly?’ Rita demands. ‘You’re not listening to a word I’m saying.’

I’m jolted back to the present. ‘Sorry.’ Sitting back, I gaze at my friend. ‘Remember Riggs?’

Rita stares at me. ‘Of course I do. How could I forget him? What about him?’

‘He was here.’ I still can’t believe it myself.

Her eyes are like saucers. ‘When?’

‘Just now.’ I can’t help smiling.

‘Fuck. Where is he?’ She looks around, then behind her.

‘He’s gone.’ My smile fades.

‘Shit.’ Rita stares at me. ‘You still like him, don’t you?’ Her eyes widen. ‘You do, don’t you?’

‘Maybe,’ I confess.

‘Wow.’ Suddenly she’s serious. ‘Are you going to see him again?’

I shake my head. ‘I’m married. So is he. Me and Riggs… It was never meant to be.’ It was what I told myself when we parted ways, that there were all kinds of reasons it would never work between us. But a small part of me can’t help thinking, What if I was wrong?

After a boozy lunch, as we walk across London, Rita links her arm through mine. ‘I really liked Riggs.’

‘Everyone did.’ It was true. Riggs had the kind of energy that drew people to him. As far as I can tell from seeing him today, he still has.

‘Maybe it was a sign – you seeing him again. Especially now.’

‘It was a pretty pointless one.’ Like passing a signpost to somewhere that doesn’t exist any more; as signs go, it’s way too late for us.

‘I don’t mean because you’re meant to be together.’ She hesitates. ‘I was thinking more about it reminding you of how you used to feel. About everything you don’t feel with Miles. I mean, you and Riggs, you were so great together – until you weren’t.’ She frowns. ‘I never understood why you broke up.’

‘We were young,’ I say wistfully. ‘Impetuous. Unencumbered by responsibilities. I think we both knew we were drifting – and he was happy with that, but I wanted more. Life changes, doesn’t it?’

‘It doesn’t have to,’ Rita says quietly. She stops walking. Then she looks at me. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking about this happening now, of all times… What if you two breaking up was the biggest mistake of your life? If you and Riggs really are meant to be together?’

I didn’t answer her question. Riggs and I had our time; it didn’t work out. It’s what I’ve told myself ever since. Even so, as the train now carries me back to my life and my husband, it doesn’t stop me thinking about him.

Lost in my daydream of a very different life, I notice my stop in the nick of time, arriving home just as Max and Grace come up the drive, Max’s face unreadable as he strides ahead, Grace following, her cheeks pink, her hair windswept.

‘Hi sweeties! How was school?’

‘Boring.’ Max drops his bag and goes to the larder.

‘I’m in the netball team, Mummy.’ Grace’s eyes are shining.

‘Wow! That’s so great,’ I say. Last time, she was passed by; I know how much she’s wanted this. ‘Well, I had a good day, too. I went to London – to see Auntie Rita.’ Rita has earned her adoptive title many times over. Then I think of Riggs again, just briefly, before he fades into the background of my life.

‘Mum, did you hear what I said?’ Max is frowning at me. ‘There’s a school trip – to the Norfolk Broads. Can I go?’

‘Sounds fun! I’ll talk to Dad,’ I say. ‘But I think it’s a great idea.’

‘Yeah.’ Max sounds sarky. ‘Good luck with that.’

‘Max,’ I say more sharply than I mean to. ‘Please don’t speak like that.’

As his eyes turn to mine, there’s defeat in them. ‘Sorry. But you know what Dad’s like.’