Page 278 of The Doctors Will See You Now

I tried to picture what she was describing. Her mom and Jean-Pierre—faceless bodies in my mind, of course—dressed as Batman and Catwoman with Bill in a Robin costume next to them. I tried to make four out of two-plus-two, but all I could compute was a very disturbing threesome.

I mean, my parents at least got along in a civil capacity—my mom was going to my dad and stepmom’s anniversary party, for fuck’s sake. But she was doing it with barely concealed disdain. The pieces of Harlow’s perfect parent trio weren’t quite lining up.

“So, what? They’re like besties? Your mom, your stepdad, and your dad?”

She nodded enthusiastically, her face completely devoid of sarcasm. “Yeah. They’re going on an Alaskan cruise together in a few months for my dad’s birthday.”

Finally, it all made sense. At least, an opportunity to tease Harlow mercilessly did.

I smirked. “So, they’re a threesome.”

“What?” she shrieked, covering her ears.

“A threesome. You know…double penetration?”

“No, they’re not a fucking threesome, you pervert!” Her lips curled away from one another, and the normally tanned glow of her skin faded into a sallow white.

“You’re the one who said they’re all set to go on vacay together,” I pushed, doing my best to keep my face straight. “Your dad doesn’t have any other friends he’d rather celebrate with?”

“They’re best friends!”

“Sounds like something else to me.”

“Oh, eww! Stop! They’re best friends.”

“Who sleep together,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Stop! They have separate rooms!”

“That’s what they tell you, maybe.”

Steely determination set in as she stared me down. “Oh, yeah? Then I guess your mom is about to make their fourth? How do you like that?”

Mentally, I cringed. But I fought it for the sake of winning our argument.

“Sounds kinky,” I said, voice steady.

“Gross!” she shouted, but there was a hint of laughter in her voice. “You’re gross!”

“You’re just focusing on our differences, Harlow. You need to focus on our commonalities.”

Her nose wrinkled, and she batted at me with a hand. “Oh, don’t you school me using Kinky Boots.”

“Why?” I argued. “Some good has to come out of seeing it.”

She laughed. “I take it you didn’t like it?”

“I thought it was fine.”

“But…”

I shrugged. “I’m not big on musicals.”

She rolled her eyes before admitting, “Neither am I. Though, I have to admit I didn’t mind this one.”

Both of us looked to our respective parents, and Harlow stood up to make our way over to them. We didn’t even have to say anything. She just fell in step right in front of me as I guided her with a hand at the small of her back.

It was weird how natural it all felt.