Page 179 of The Doctors Will See You Now

“Oh, yeah,” I retorted. “I just love wearing underwear that literally serve no purpose. It’s my favorite.”

She laughed. “I still don’t understand the point in them. Like, either just be naked or wear underwear. Why do the halfway thing?”

“For some reason, a lot of guys dig it.”

“Mateo would just want me bare.”

Wait…what? Did she just say Mateo?

“I mean…” she stuttered. “I’m pretty sure Mateo is the kind of guy who doesn’t—”

“Who doesn’t what, Amanda?” I questioned. “He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t like fucking you when you’re wearing crotchless panties? Because you’re totally boning your client and you said you’d never do it, but you totally are having sex with that Spanish piece of meat! Oh my God! You little floozy! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Fuck,” she muttered. “I just… It just kind of happened…”

I grinned. I’d fucking called this one since before she’d left to run Spanish Adonis’s PR tour. “Is this the point in the conversation where I say I told you so?”

“Like you should talk,” she snarked. “Two words. Scott motherfucking Shepard.”

“Pretty sure that’s three words.”

“Whatever,” she retorted. “And I’d say it looks like we’re both having an I told you so moment, huh?”

She had a point. “Touché.”

“But in all seriousness, this whole thing with…yeah…with him…it needs to stay on the down low, okay? Like, no one else can know it happened or else I could lose my job with the firm.”

“I’m not going to say a word. Promise.” I might’ve been a gossip columnist, but I had boundaries, and my best friend’s life was definitely a hard limit for me.

She sighed. “Sometimes it’s a little unnerving that my best friend writes a goddamn gossip column.”

I laughed. “You mean, it’s unnerving when you’re actually in the middle of something completely hot that is totally gossip-worthy, but that I would never in a million years write about?”

“Exactly,” she responded, amused. “Okay, I gotta go now, but you bet your sweet ass we are revisiting the whole you having sex with Dr. Erotic conversation later. I need to know details. Lots and lots of dirty details.”

“Ditto. I’ve heard Spanish guys are really good with their rhythm, and I really need you to confirm that it isn’t a case of stereotyping. And I sure as fuck would love to know if you’re ever going to come back home or if you intend to run away with your new boyfriend.”

It felt like it had been a year since I’d last seen my best friend. Sure, it’d only been about a month, and the PR tour that was supposed to be a month had only been extended to two, but still. I was half tempted to catch a flight to Europe just to make sure she was okay and not living against her will in a random cult inside of a remote village.

She scoffed. “He’s not my boyfriend, Low. And I’m not sure of the exact date I’ll be back. The PR tour is prolonged because Mateo is getting such an amazing response everywhere he goes.”

“Okay. Fine. Your Spanish lover,” I corrected. “And by amazing response do you specifically mean the response he receives from your vagina?”

She snorted. “Shut up.”

“Give your Spanish lover a tongue kiss for me. Loveyoubye!” And before she could toss out a sarcastic retort, I ended the call and got back to work.

And by work, I meant research.

And by research, I meant browsing the internet for funny GIFs and taking BuzzFeed quizzes.

In my defense, though, sometimes it’s these very GIFs that inspire the next column.

Generally, it’s the GIFs where hot male celebrities are shirtless, but still.

Inspiration is inspiration, right?

And in my opinion, nothing says inspiration like Ryan Reynolds and Chris Pratt shirtless…