Page 109 of The Doctors Will See You Now

“Yeah?” I responded, but I couldn’t find the strength to meet his eyes.

“I missed you last night,” he whispered.

“Sorry,” I muttered and racked my brain for a quick excuse to end this conversation before I started to sob in the middle of the hallway. “I was busy…with…uh…with helping Janet…” I lied. “Yeah…I was busy with Janet until late last night.”

“Shit. Is she okay?”

“Uh-huh. She’s fine.”

I knew it was my fault, that’d I’d been the one to avoid him last night, but I really didn’t want to have this scene out at work.

“Mel,” he said, and his voice dropped to anxious. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I lied and started to type out the rest of my nursing note into a patient chart. “Just busy trying to finish up charting on a follow-up call.”

He placed his hands on top of mine, stopping my typing progress. “Can you take a quick break from that and come to my office?”

I glanced up from the computer screen and met his gaze.

“Please?” he asked and with the way his blue eyes had turned pleading, I couldn’t not give in to his request.

I nodded, and silently, I followed his lead down the hall and inside his office.

He shut the door with a quiet click and set his briefcase beside his desk. Wordlessly, he stared across the room, into my eyes, with worry creasing his brow.

“What’s going on, Mel?” he asked, and I shrugged.

“Nothing.”

Everything.

I can’t get the sounds of hearing you sleep with Emily out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that you carelessly left me in the dark about what happened during the filming of the show. I can’t stop wondering if there is more to the story on why you didn’t want to tell the office about our relationship. I can’t stop replaying and thinking about your lie over and over and over again.

I fear that I gave my heart to someone who, despite his best efforts not to, will crush it.

And that was the real crux of the issue. Despite all of his trespasses, I really did believe that Will thought I was the best thing for him. I just didn’t know if he was the best thing for me.

“Talk to me,” he urged, and his brow furrowed deeper when I gave him no response. “Melody,” he said, and his long strides quickly closed the space between us. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight to his chest. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

I didn’t react. I couldn’t react. I just stood inside his embrace with my back stiff and my arms hanging limply at my sides.

“Just give me something…anything…” he whispered. “You’re scaring me.”

You’re going to break my fucking heart!

“I can’t do this,” I blurted out, and Will stared down at me with wide eyes.

“What?”

I shrugged out of his arms and put some much-needed distance between us. “I can’t do this,” I repeated and gestured between the two of us with an impatient hand. “I can’t do us.”

“You don’t want to be with me?”

“It’s not like that.” I want to be with you too much. It makes me want to give up everything else I’ve ever wanted.

“Then what is it like, exactly?”

“I don’t think you’re ready for a long-term relationship, Will,” I explained, and his eyes squinted in confusion. “I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t fall into the same trap I did with Eli.”