Page 88 of Where I Should’ve Been

It’s all I can do to say the words. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, Breezy,” Norah whispers, joy and compassion and shock all wrapped up in the prettiest of sisterly bows. She’s so good for Bennett, but she’s good for me too. She’s good for all of us. Her softness, her understanding—they’re impossible to recreate. And goodness, I sure need them now more than ever.

Josie jumps up and pulls out a chair for me, and I plop into it unceremoniously, sinking my face into my hands. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

Norah’s voice is gentle. “What do you mean, honey?”

“I meannn…I’m pregnant. I’m basically living at your house because New York doesn’t feel like home anymore. I’m career-less. I’m without drive or direction or a plan or…anything. I don’t recognize myself most days, let alone what I’m supposed to be as a mother. I don’t—”

“Breezy, come on,” Josie cuts in before I can completely spiral. “Sure, this is unexpected, but you’ve been kicking ass and taking names for as long as I’ve known you. You can handle anything—you’ve handled anything that’s ever been thrown at you. If you want a plan, you’ll come up with a plan. And if you want help, we’ll help you.”

“I don’t know what I want,” I admit. “I feel like, lately, I don’t know anything.”

“Maybe you needed this slow-down,” Norah suggests, a tender hand rubbing at my shoulder. “Maybe…not having a plan or a direction or a job or drive…maybe that’s what you needed. You know?”

I scoff. “Yeah. And it got me pregnant with a freaking sheep farmer’s baby.”

“What?” Josie shrieks. “Farmer Tad? Hot-to-trot freaking Farmer-ass Tad is the father?”

I laugh, but it doesn’t feel all that humorous. I shrug. I sigh. “He’s… Well, he’s been great. And we were just…having some fun,” I skirt around the truth of how much time I’ve been spending with Tad and how intense at times it’s been between us.

Truthfully, fun has always been a part of it, but there’s been something more intense there. Something that’s far more intimate than two people just hooking up for funsies. Something that’s been making you feel things. Deep, deep things.

Josie and Norah watch me closely, and I’m sure it has everything to do with the nosedive my mood is taking. Or the fact that tears are threatening to flood my eyes again.

I sniffle, swallow hard, and keep the emotion at bay. “I fear that the news of a baby is going to go over about like a bag of rocks.”

How am I supposed to tell Tad that I’m pregnant? A baby isn’t exactly within the realm of casual we had originally agreed to.

“Are you sure about that, Breeze?” Josie asks. “I mean, I know he’s never been much for serious, but we call the man hot for a reason. And he’s very nice. I can’t imagine him being…I don’t know, scummy? Like, it’ll be a shock. Just like it is to you. But finding out you’re having a baby is always a shock, isn’t it?” Her voice lulls me into a weirdly peaceful space. It’s so…ethereal. Happy. Hopeful. “Even if it’s the thing you’ve always wanted most in the entire world.”

Norah nods. “Of course. Another human? Made by you? It’s one of those ‘too big to be true’ things, but you’re way more prepared than you ever think you are because you have to be. And when you have to be, you just figure things out.”

Yeah.

When you have to figure things out, you do. It’s always but always been true for me, even when I’ve hated it. I am a woman who survives. A woman who thrives, whether the world helps her or not.

I have no choice but to handle this like I’ve always handled everything else.

Head on. Take charge.

I sure hope Tad sees it the same way.

35

Tad

Norah’s car pulls into the driveway at just after five p.m. and rocks to a stop in front of their garage. I watch like a fucking stalker around the side of the sheer white curtain in my kitchen window, holding my breath as Breezy climbs from the passenger side, slams the door, and rounds the trunk to a waiting Norah, whose extended arm settles on Breezy’s shoulder and ushers her inside.

I texted her earlier, a little after she and Norah left the Bishops’ house in a rush, but I never received anything back.

It goes without saying that hasn’t made me feel better about whatever is going on with her, but I’d be an asshole to hold it against her. She was more than gracious and patient and kind when I went twenty-four hours no contact not so long ago.

I don’t know what is going through Breezy’s mind right now. Is it the surprise appearance of her brother Logan that’s sent her into a mental tailspin? Is she sick with some kind of bad virus? Is it a combination of all those things?

I wish I fucking knew. I wish she’d let me in because I can’t shake the feeling that I want to be there for her in whatever capacity I can. Certainly not my usual MO, but I guess that’s what happens when you care about someone.

And I really care about Breezy.