Page 104 of Where I Should’ve Been

“You are, Lil,” I say directly, taking a load off on one of the folding chairs set up at the outdoor dining table that we’re apparently going to freeze our asses off at and eat dinner at the same time.

“Well, of course I am.” She winks. “I’m also incredibly smart and beautiful too, if any men happen to be sniffing around, by the way.”

Norah cackles, returning with a Crock-Pot full of something steamy, thanks to Bennett’s handoff at the door. He doesn’t look thrilled, but I’ll be honest, sometimes that’s just my brother’s face.

“Oh, Lil, Lil, Lil,” Norah tsks. “Didn’t you say you were taking a break from the bruter sex for a little while? Since that thing with the billionaire’s son and the other thing with the musclehead from Jersey and then the final, final thing with the mystery guy you refuse to give any details about whatsoever?”

Boy oh boy, does that description of the dating scene in New York sound familiar.

I see myself in Lillian a little and, I suppose, have had a soft spot for her since the moment I heard what she did for our Norah. Helping her run out on a wedding destined for disaster, giving her the tools to get out for good, and facing harassment from Norah’s mom and ex-fiancé, all without complaint, are the markers of a great woman and an even better friend.

Frankly, without Lillian’s intervention and support on Norah’s behalf, my brother Bennett might still be self-destructing in the wake of Summer’s passing, and as much as I’d have wanted to, I don’t think I’d have been able to save him on my own.

“You doing okay?” Tad asks, settling into the chair beside mine. He sets a glass of lemonade on the table in front of me, and I smile over at him.

“Yes. A little chilly, but I’m sure I’ll be hot-flashing soon anyway.”

He reaches out to rub my sweater-covered arms. “Want me to go get your heavier coat?”

“Hell no.” I snort. “It’s covered in glitter from the pageant parade earlier. The girls were tossing it with both hands! I don’t know if I’ll ever get it all out.”

He laughs. “To be fair, I tried to warn you. The Spring Fling Cider Festival never lets you out of its clutches without physical consequences.”

I stick my tongue out at him. “I was picturing quaint. Cheery. Small-town. Not the teeny-tiny pageant queens with buckets full of sparkly dust!”

“Here,” he offers then, contorting slightly to wiggle his arms out of the sleeves of his heavy blue flannel shirt-jacket. “Take mine.” He winks. “I did a better job of dodging.”

Accepting it willingly now that my hands are beginning to feel like knives, I settle into the smell of Tad and turn fully toward the table as everyone starts to sit down.

Norah and Bennett take the seats directly across from us, Autumn in a snowsuit and high chair in between them, and Josie and Clay, coming out of the house and each carrying a side dish, take the ones at the far end.

Randy walks to the table with a glass of lemonade in his hand, looking pretty neutral about the whole freeze-your-ass-off-and-eat extravaganza. He was adamant he’d drive himself to this shindig and just arrived at the same time as Logan. He settles into the seat beside his brother Tad, directly across from Lillian, and Logan gets sequestered to the lone chair at the end.

Gang’s all here, I guess.

I can’t deny I imagined a lot more buffers—possibly Sheriff Peeler and Deputy Rice—but I’m certainly not going to ask any questions.

“Well,” Norah chirps, breaking the awkward silence first. “Thank you so much for coming, everyone. It’s so nice to get everybody together, especially with such amazing news for two of our most-loved people, Breezy and Josie, and the new opportunities to love and be loved they’re bringing to the family.”

My throat tightens, but to be choked in this way feels astonishingly good. It’s family. It’s support. It’s the exact opposite of how Bennett and Logan and I grew up, and for the first time since Norah suggested this stupid dinner, I can see the reason.

“Thanks, Nor,” I say, smiling and crying a little all at once. For a woman who just found out she’s nearing month two of pregnancy, I refuse to think about how many more things are going to make me weepy over the next eight months. Of course, my brain decides now is the perfect time to think about our baby’s first ultrasound in Dr. Rickman’s office and the little heartbeat I saw and heard. More tears start to fill my lids, and I do my best to swallow back the ball of emotion that’s turning into a boulder inside my throat.

Good grief, Breeze. Cool it on the tears.

A hiccupping breath escapes my lungs and Tad’s hand finds my knee under the table and rubs.

Josie’s attention seems split between Norah and hushed whispers with Clay, but when he gives her a gentle elbow to the side, she pipes up too. “Yeah. Thanks, Norah. It’s so freaking cold I might get hypothermia and the whole miracle pregnancy thing will be for nothing, but at least you got us all together.”

I suck my lips into my mouth, and Clay guffaws, waving his fork-filled hand. “Don’t mind her, guys. It’s the hormones.”

Tad and I exchange wide eyes before a hush falls over the group, the clinking and clanking of forks and spoons and dishes the only sounds among us. Logan is on some of his best—quietest—behavior I’ve ever seen, and Clay and Josie are still exchanging many, many heated whispers. After what he said, though, I’m kind of surprised he’s still alive.

“So,” Randy says, completely clueless to the family dynamics holding the rest of the tongues at the table hostage. “How’s everyone enjoying their visits to Red Bridge?”

Lillian is the first to open her mouth—unsurprisingly, I suppose, since she’s the only true visitor and the most removed from all the other drama. “I’m having a great time! I mean, there’s nothing to do that I’ve noticed, and everything is literally closed by eight p.m., even on the weekends, but I don’t know, maybe someone with the lay of the land could help me find something…interesting to do.” She tilts her head toward Randy with a soft smile that borders on flirty mischief.

And Randy looks behind him like it’s possible Lillian is talking to someone else, but eventually, he looks back across the table at her, pointing to himself and asking, “You want me to show you around Red Bridge?”