Page 54 of When The Noise Stops

"It was an accident. I had to pee. He was in my shower. I didn't know he was in there. I just—opened the door—and—"

She gestured vaguely.

"And it was—you know. There. And I—looked. I didn't mean to look. But it was right there. And it was—"

"Lila, why?" Ronny was laughing and trying to interrupt her.

She kept going.

"Big," Lila said.

"It was big. And had this vein that ran the length. Thick. Long, too. Curved to the left."

Tiny lost it.

"How long did you look?" he laughed.

The sound that came out of him was somewhere between a laugh and a wheeze. He doubled over, the skillet clattering to the ground.

Hawk was laughing. Sully fell off his log. Even Deacon cracked a smile.

My ears were hot. My face was hot. I could feel heat climbing up my neck, spreading across my cheeks.

She'd said it. Out loud. In front of everyone.

I should've been angry.

But all I could think about was the way she'd looked at me.

She'd liked what she saw.

"I couldn't help it!" Lila was laughing now. Nervous laughter.

"It's been in my head all day. Every time I look at him, I see it. I can't stop. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Grizz, I'm sorry—"

She looked at me.

I still didn't move.

"Oh no! Your ears are red. That's so fucking cute."

My ears got hotter.

She held up her hands.

"I just. I'm stopping. I'm stopping now. I had to acknowledge the elephant in the room."

"The elephant is in his pants," Ronny laughed.

I stood up.

The laughter died.

I looked at her. Just for a second. Her face was flushed. Her eyes were bright. She was still smiling.

She wasn't sorry. Not really.

I wasn't either.