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It made his stomach twist.
“I hated my father,” he said finally.
The words came out rougher than he expected.
“Most teens do at some point,” Dave said.
He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “I mean really hated him. Long before I was Bella’s age. Come on, Dave. Let’s not sugarcoat this. You all know what and who my father was.”
He remembered the yelling. The empty bottles. The nights he stayed out as long as he could just so he didn’t have to go home.
The weekends that he all but begged his friends if he could hang out at their houses. Spend the night.
Never to make a nuisance of himself. Never that.
Because he always wanted to be able to return.
Just like he’d spent a lot of those two years at the Conways’ house when he was dating Marly. And rarely brought her to his house.
Even when his mother asked.
“We do. Or did,” Dave said.
“I swore I’d be nothing like him,” he continued. “Never be someone a kid looked at and thought their life would be better if I just didn’t show up. If I weren’t around. If I just disappeared.”
Dave shifted slightly in his chair, but still didn’t speak.
“You can’t let yourself think that way now,” Zander said.
He blew out a breath. “Yeah, well, it’s hard not to. Now Bella’s been with me two years and she’s—” He stopped, shaking his head.
“She’s what?” Zander asked patiently, just like Marly did when she wanted to get to the root of it.
He looked up, meeting both of their eyes.
“She’s my kid.” He was shocked that he was saying these things to the two men in this room.
Words that were so hard to get out with Marly five days ago.
But she was right. People in love stood together.
Her family meant the world to her. They were showing he was part of it.
“She is,” Dave said.
“I know legally she’s my sister,” he said. “But that’s not what it feels like anymore. I get up every morning thinking about what she needs. I plan my shifts around her school. I make sure there’s food she likes in the house. I check homework. I sit through therapy appointments. I have uncomfortable conversations about periods and boys and search their lingo so I don’t sound like an idiot around her.” He gave a short, humorless laugh. “I even know the difference between whatever the hell ‘calm your farm’ and ‘extra’ means now.”
Zander smirked faintly at that. “Things I get to look forward to.”
“But the point is,” he said, his voice dropping again, “she looks at me like I’m the one who’s supposed to keep everything together. That I’m the one carrying her world while she can go about it having fun. And it should be that way. She deserves it.”
Even if it terrified the shit out of him doing it day in and day out.
Because he knew exactly how it felt when the person who was supposed to hold everything up failed.
Dave leaned forward slightly, his features showing some confusion. “You’re worried she’s going to look at you the way you looked at your father if you don’t handle this situation the right way?”
“Yeah,” he said instantly. “If I tell her no. If I say she can’t see Holly. Maybe she thinks I’m controlling things. Maybe she thinks I’m hiding something. Maybe one day she decides I kept her from her mother.” He gestured toward the file. “And if I say yes, I’m letting that walk into her life.”