Page 13 of For the Ghastly and Beautiful

My eye twitches slightly, and I try to cover it by squinting. “She said that?”

“And more. I’m a little bitter over her apology, though.” Ada huffs, ruffling strands of her vermillion hair. “When I questioned her about it, she force-fed me a memory of the day my mother died.”

I flounder for words before settling on, “Do you think there was a message in the memory?”

“I received the message loud and clear. It’s the day she started watching me closely, the day her concern for my well-being grew. There was also something my dad said to me hundreds of times, but that was the day the meaning changed.”

“I don’t understand.”

Her shoulders sag. “I know.”

“Will you explain it to me?”

My inquiry is soft, too close to coaxing for my own comfort. But I can’t leave her without comprehending what’s bothering her. She squeezes my hand, and I release the breath I was holding.

“He used to promise that he’d be with me even when I ruled the ocean and tides. He died four months ago, and that’s why Spiran took me when she did. She wouldn’t have taken me if I was happy, and I was pretty happy until the accident.

“Afterward, I was adrift with no idea what I was doing with my life. I felt guilty, and I struggled to mourn, which made me feel more guilt. I became depressed, suicidal… And I knew if I could just hold on until the anniversary of my mom’s death, and take that fishing trip one last time… Then I could lose it all and harbor no regrets.”

She stares at the ceiling, and I give her a few minutes to collect her thoughts.

“It was stupid,” she whispers. “I’m mad at a goddess for killing me, because that was the one thing I wanted, and she truly kept me from doing it. She saved me, then killed me, and in the process took away my option, my ability to end my own life.

“I haven’t thought about it since I’ve been here. Honestly, I’ve been too busy with surviving and adapting and dealing with her meddling in my emotions to dwell on anything. I was already prepared to give up my earthly possessions; mortality was all I had left.”

“Taking without asking makes you upset?” I question, still trying to understand. “Had you chosen to give up your mortality, then you wouldn’t be angry?”

Ada shrugs. “Maybe… Or maybe I’d have found something else to be angry over.”

“She assumed that since you wanted to stay, you must want everything she had to offer? I don’t know if that’s right, but that’s what it sounds like.”

The edges of her lips lift. It’s the smallest effort to show her tone as truth, but not directed at me. “Consent is important, Imryll.”

“I’m not disagreeing, just attempting to understand the situation. For what it’s worth, we’re happy you stayed.”

“Until I say something about fire or smoke.” She wipes her cheeks, then rolls her eyes as she hooks her thumb at the sleeping prince. “And this Mongrel calls me a Shade, like it’s some grave insult.”

“He won’t.”

“No, I won’t,” Ecaeris repeats.

Her fingers spasm, though she ignores her trepidation and snaps back. “Oh, really? I wish I believed you, but you don’t believe it either. So, let’s go ahead and get the name calling out of the way. Now that I don’t have to worry about you waking up and walking in while I’m trying to bathe, I’d like to wash the salt off my skin.”

He grins at Ada in such a way that I know he’s about to say something utterly ridiculous. And I’m not going to stop him.

I realize that occasionally she needs a pleasant distraction, and I’m not that person for her. I’d rather be the one she confides in.

Besides, having her yell at me once out of anger was enough. It makes me want to hear her shout in a different manner… One I’m still considering, even if the idea is daunting.

“I know you’re not a Shade now,” Ecaeris confidently states.

“How so?” she asked sarcastically.

“Because a Shade wouldn’t have died so easily.”

I rub my hand over my face, expecting her to shout at him or call him an asshole. “You just don’t know when to shut your mouth, do you?”

Ada brushes her thumb over my palm, turning a sweet smile to Ecaeris as she raises her brows. “Hey. Did you ever find all those fucks I left on the beach?”