Page 27 of Vampire Visions

I struggled to work up the nerve to tell her about my deal with the angel. Today just wasn’t the day, though. When she turned to look at me, I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat and hoped like hell that she hadn’t been able to hear my thoughts. I would tell her soon. I had to tell her before we sealed our bond. The smile she gave me doubled my doubts, but I forced myself to relax as I offered her my hand. Everything would be fine. I repeated that to myself with every stair I climbed back to the main floor.

Everything would be fine. Eventually.

12

Sloane

Wednesday Evening

You know that feeling you get when something’s bothering you, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? Yeah, I had that feeling with Palmer. I couldn’t figure out what had changed since Monday night, but he was being the weird kind of distant.

He’d stood by the door, watching me while I straightened up the chairs in the basement. I thought maybe he had something he wanted to talk about and that was why he’d hung back after everyone else went upstairs. He never said a word, though. He’d looked really tense. I’d smiled at him, even as I watched him struggle to relax in my presence.

I tried really hard to stay out of his head. Reading his thoughts was easier than the rest of my mates, but privacy was privacy. I wouldn’t take that from any of them just because I could pick through their mental walls. The closer I got to them, the less effort it took to hear them and the more I strained to keep my wandering mind to myself.

I thought he might want to talk about the other night, but maybe he simply wanted some company. Either way, I wasn’t mad. Not about him wanting company or about the way he stepped in between York and I.

I could have told him that I had my own sexual fetishes, and that some of them matched his own, without him testing me. I figured out his game pretty quick when I calmed down. I wasn’t a submissive woman, but occasionally I enjoyed that role in the bedroom. Okay, more than occasionally. I still had no idea where he’d pulled that crop from, and I wanted to know if he did it the same way I pulled clothes to me. I really liked the magical chains. Cuffs that I can’t get out of? Yes, please!

Whatever was going on with him was starting to drive me crazy. I couldn’t understand why he’d backed off. I couldn’t explain exactly what was different either, though. There were just these slight changes. His tone seemed a bit off, he wouldn’t look at me the same way he had been, and he didn’t participate in the conversations like before.

It almost felt like he was mad at me, but that was insane.

I’d done nothing wrong.

Right?

I groaned in frustration as I continued to pack my bag for our trip. I’d been circling around these same thoughts for hours, and I thought that packing would help me think everything through. It hadn’t. At one point I’d stood in my closet for a good twenty minutes, staring at the wall while I tried to figure out what in the actual fuck was going on with Palmer. Never mind all the other bullshit that was happening in our lives. Definitely shit that wouldn’t be happening to them if they weren’t my mates.

I was really starting to like all of them. That thought had slapped me in the face so hard that I physically rubbed my cheek, waiting for the inevitable sting. But that was the kicker, wasn’t it? The stinging sensation that I should have felt from the metaphorical slap was all this bullshit with my emotions. I hated being on an emotional roller coaster, and I’d been stuck on this one for nearly a week with no breaks or chance of slowing down. It kept throwing new twists and loops at me until I was just… blahhh.

I knew York still had strong feelings for me — that’s what I was going to call it. He’d never stopped loving me, but I had stopped loving him. Well, I’d tried to stop loving him. I wasn’t ready to admit that I did still love him. The thought of telling him that I loved him made me itchy and anxious. I wasn’t ready for that yet. Sex, I could do, but anything deeper was going to take time. Again.

Novak hadn’t tried to hide his instant attraction. I wouldn’t call that love, because it wasn’t. We had crazy chemistry. It wouldn’t be hard to fall for him, if I let myself. I couldn’t keep using all the excuses I’d used in the past. It was all catching up to me. I knew how it’d go with him, too. One day we’d be flirting and the next I’d be head over heels. He had that easy way about him, though. I could feel myself slipping further with every laugh or touch we shared.

I was pretty sure Stone was trying to kill me. The sexual tension that I felt when I was around him was some serious shit. Every single time that damned demon looked at me, I was positive my panties would melt into a puddle. Not an incubus, my ass. He was seduction in the flesh. That was surely going to be the death of me. I hoped like hell that he would put me out of my misery before I slipped in a puddle of myself and fell for him.

Briggs was a bit of an anomaly to me. I couldn’t get over how sweet he was earlier today, or his filthy promise. Somehow he was both gruff and romantic. Falling in love with him would end up being the simplest and scariest thing I ever did. He was an all or nothing kind of beast, and godsdamnit if I didn’t want to see his all. I could tell he’d had his heart broken a time or two. I wanted to kill the bitches who’d hurt him, but that was my psycho showing. I needed to keep those irrational thoughts under lock and key.

All of that brought me right back to where I was getting tripped up. I loved flirting with Palmer, and I really liked him. I think that’s why his sudden change was eating at me so bad. I craved the mage who whispered in my ear, caressing me without touching me. The smartass that left me tied to my bed and walked away laughing. I needed that kind of challenge in a mate. Someone who wasn’t afraid to push me past my limits. Someone who could catch me off guard and flip my world upside down.

Vaughn had done something similar to Palmer, too. I didn’t know if he was doing it intentionally or not, but he’d backed off a bit as well. Maybe he liked to be chased? I couldn’t be sure until I asked. It was starting to kind of bug me, though. We’d spent a fun night together, then he’d put a little distance between us. Not a huge surprise after finding out the next day that we were mates. Everything had been fine on Monday, but now that space between us was back.

I used both of my hands to scrub aggressively at my face. I’d made so many fucking circles with my feelings that I’d managed to annoy myself. Too many feelings made me feel stupid. That probably wasn’t the right word, but that was exactly my point. I couldn’t think of anything else!

What the fuck was wrong with me? I’d never been filled with so much doubt before. I was strong, confident, independent… or was I? I was pretty good at fooling myself, and I lied to myself more than I’d ever lied to others. I didn’t honestly know if I could do all this saving the supernaturals shit anymore. Maybe I wouldn’t be enough. I didn’t feel like enough right now.

A loud bang on my door made me jump and clutch my chest. Fuck. That wasn’t necessary to get my attention. I might be silently freaking out, but I wasn’t deaf. I tried to make myself relax before I made it from my bedroom to the main door of my suite.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Relax, bitch.

I swung my door open to find an annoyed Novak, and my brows nearly hit my hairline. I hadn’t seen him like that before. He was usually in a playful sort of mood. Not right now, though. His hair was mussed and his eyes were practically glowing in the dim hallway. He was wearing nothing but sweat pants and nipple rings. It was a really good look for him.

I cleared my throat and brought my eyes back up to his face. “Did you want to come in or were you planning to just glare at me while you stand in the hall?” I gave him my best grin, but he didn’t return it.