Page 80 of Let the Light Shine Through

“Gia—”

“Roz, you’ve got some shit to figure out. You need to remember why you’re here and what you want, what you love, without pinning it to someone else.”

“What do you mean?”

“You lost your best friend in a tragic accident, but you’re letting that tragedy take you, too. You already tied your happiness, your life, to someone else once before. What if you’re just trying to do it again? I won’t be the next person to hold you back,” she says, sitting up.

“Hold me back?” I sit up with her. Where’d she even come up with that? “You’ve been pushing me forward since we met. Literally.”

“And what happens when I stop?”

Stop pushing me?

“I…”

Relentless, she searches my eyes.

“…don’t know.”

“You’re lying.”

I am. I do know what happens when Gia’s not there to push me. I fall back into a depression so deep, it feels like I’ll never be able to climb out.

I did though. I fucking climbed out on my own. I didn’t choose to leave my room, knowing I’d run into Gia. I just fucking chose to get out by myself. For myself. Connecting with Gia again afterward was just a coincidence. Dumb luck.

I eye Gia back.

Or was it?

For someone putting up such a fight right now, her face, hell, her entire body, is telling a completely different story. She was just grinding on my cock, and I bet if I stuck a hand in her pants, she’d be drenched.

“So are you,” I tell her, and she shakes her head, freeing a few tears in the process, so I hug her to me tightly, saying, “You do like me.” Come on, baby. Admit it.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. It matters to me. I’m not tying my life to yours. Okay? I’m not.” At least not yet. I could. I could see myself with Gia, but that’d be another choice, a big one, and I’m not going to make it until Gia does, too. “I just like being around you,” I tell her, taking her face in my hands like she did to mine yesterday, feeling the moisture from her tears absorb into my fingertips.

If this were only about my issues, why is she crying? Gia can try to put this on me, but she’s the one holding back because…I don’t fucking know. She won’t tell me. She’s scared. She’s scared of something, but she won’t let me find out what. She clams up every time I try to.

“I don’t know who or what hurt you, but fuck, Gia, I’ll do everything in my power to make up for that monster’s mistakes. Let me prove it to you.”

“Aww, Roz. When are you gonna realize I’m the monster?”

“Wha—”

“Gia.”

Rowdy’s standing in the open doorway, still as a rock. Stupid as one too if he thinks now’s a good time to interrupt. Yeah, the door was open, but we’re obviously in the middle of something.

“We ridin’ or what?” he asks, and Gia sighs and straightens.

Face to the ceiling, she says, “Yeah. We’re in.”

“Nino just got back with the coffee. Want a cup?” His eyes slide to mine and hold, neither of us breaking first. Gia said he was a Cockatoo, right? Well, repeat after me, Rowdy. Fuck. Off. Gia’s the only thing keeping my erection hidden from his view right now.

He’s lucky I didn’t sleep naked last night, otherwise the awkward factor right now would be off the charts.

“You have to try this coffee,” Gia says, looking down her nose at me. Her face is dry, her eyes are empty, her body lacks any previous pliancy. For all intents and purposes, Gia has moved on. The moment is officially fucking over.