Page 72 of Every Time We Touch

“Nic had to give up her therapy practice of thirty years,” Mom says.

“Fuck.” But I can hardly give up on my relationship with my dad. Because that’s what this is all about.

“The point is,” Mom is quick to say, “that Nic found a new purpose. She works at The Rainbow Shelter now.” I know all about The Rainbow Shelter, because my mother’s first movie, Gimme Shelter, was about its founder.

“I can’t find a new dad, though,” I say.

“True, darling. But you don’t have to. Nor do you have to drown in this guilt forever.”

“I miss him.” I twist my napkin in my lap. “The last few times I saw him were excruciating.” I look into Mom’s face, hoping to find some answers there. But there are none, because no one has the answer to this. The situation is what it is. If I want to stay with Clancy, I will hurt my dad even more than I’ve already done.

“I’m sure he misses you too.” Mom returns my gaze. “Give him a bit more time and then try to talk to him again. Keep trying, no matter how difficult.”

“I will.” It’s all I can do. “Have you talked to Lauren?”

Mom nods slowly. “Your sister’s still processing.” I can easily decipher that as a euphemism for Lauren still being furious with me.

“I’m sorry for all of this, Mom.”

“If only we could choose who we love.” Mom looks at Nora.

Nora slants her head. “What? You hit the jackpot when you got the hots for me.” She paints on a grin.

“It’s not like you didn’t make me work for it.” Mom grins back at her.

Nora studies the last sip of wine in her glass. When she looks up again, her face has softened. Then she cuts her gaze to me.

“Becoming part of this family has been an unexpected but amazing experience for me. My own family is nothing like the St Jameses. Granted, the first couple of Sunday brunches were a bit much, but to see all of you together like that all the time has been so restorative for me. To witness first-hand that these kinds of families exist, where there’s limitless love and respect and just plain fun. And most of all, this kind of easy and open communication I never even knew existed because I didn’t grow up with it.” She clears something from her throat. “Your mom and dad created that and I’m absolutely convinced that kind of bond doesn’t get destroyed too easily.”

“Damn, babe,” Mom says.

“I know,” Nora says. “I didn’t know this was coming either. Nor did I know I even had it in me.” She sends my mother a silly grin. “I guess that’s what being an honorary St James has done to me.”

“You’re definitely my favorite honorary St James.” I can only pull my lips into a much-needed smile after what Nora just said.

“I won’t tell the others,” Nora says. “Not even Juan.”

Our moment is interrupted by my phone ringing.

“It’s Austin.” My heart beating in my throat, I pick up.

“Hey Jen,” my brother says. “I’m on my way home from Dad’s.”

Nerves—and always that relentless guilt—tearing through me, I let him speak.

“We had a long conversation and it was okay. I mean, he’s still sad and Sad Dad is a bit of a downer, but yeah… nobody died, right? No one’s terminally ill or anything like that. I tried to put things into perspective for him and it’s not as though he suddenly doesn’t feel betrayed anymore, but I did notice a certain thawing.”

“Okay.” My stomach settles and I can breathe a touch easier.

“It’s also not as though they were engaged to be married. Let’s be honest here. Clancy was always way too foxy for him.” Juan has definitely rubbed off on my brother.

“I hope you didn’t tell him that.”

“I don’t think I need to tell him. I think he knows.”

“Did he say anything else?” I ask.

“Just that he’s going to need some more time,” Austin says. “He got a little weird toward the end. Started asking about your work. What’s going on there?”